The Calm in My Storm

One of my favorite praise songs is Praise You in This Storm. Life is full of both quiet and calm days and it is also full of storms. Yesterday was an overwhelming whirlwind of storms for me as a mommy. As I recover looking back I go to Matthew 8: 23-27 where Jesus calms the storm. I want to share with you about my day yesterday.

 

I am thankful for a job that lets me attend some of Michael’s therapy appointments at school. Yesterday I attended Michael’s speech therapy and it was such a blessing to be in the other room and watch Michael’s excitement as his therapist entered the room. He was so excited and even attempted her name. I also watched through the window as his teachers kept redirecting him to use his right hand to eat. It has only been out of the cast two weeks. Teaching him to use it more is much easier said than done. While it was a blessing to watch it also tugged at my heart that he had so much trouble using that hand and I watched the other kids just eating away. If you are a mom, dad or parent figure in any child’s life you know that feeling of wanting to take away all the adversity in that little person’s life. That was my day all day yesterday.

As Michael entered the room for his therapy session he was surprised to see his mommy, but it was clear that he knew this time was devoted to his beloved therapist. He engaged in many activities with her and it was great to see him attempting so many words. She was very happy with his improvement and said she sees improvement each week.  She then transitioned to a conversation surrounding her thoughts about Michael’s speech issues. She indicated that she didn’t think it was a normal speech delay, rather apraxia of speech. This wasn’t the first time I heard this, as our occupational therapist had mentioned it before he started speech therapy. Our OT also suggested we seek this particular therapist and I am so thankful she did. Whew…another thing on my list of things to learn about. She explained a little bit about it and talked about having to build up to the actual words instead of trying to use the actual word he can’t say. She reiterated that it isn’t baby talk even though sometimes it sounds like it. She even made and laminated some pages to use at home with interactive Velcro pictures to help Michael focus. It will be a long road to speech development. We need to get an iPad, but who can afford one when your paycheck goes to pay for 4 or 5 speech therapies a month, at least 2 OT sessions, and 2 developmental therapy sessions and other appointments with orthopedics. Among the whirling winds in this storm, the calm is that beautiful soul spending 45 minutes with my little boy every week. The calm in my storm is that she is always a phone call, text or email away. The calm in my storm is that she sends us home with things to work on and takes time to move us in the right direction. The calm in Michael’s storm is teachers who are PATIENT and a speech therapist that has instilled a love of learning how to imitate speech sounds. Thank you God for the calm in this very active and sometimes destructive storm.

Note to self…do not attend two therapy sessions in one day!!! J I picked Michael up at 4 and headed to Duke for his occupational therapy. This sweet angel we call his OT has been with us since he was 5 months old and she is a wealth of information. She diagnosed Michael with sensory processing disorder earlier in the month and it has connected a lot of dots for previous behaviors, but it is still such a difficult path we are on. Michael’s sensory processing difficulties aren’t in just one area. They span across several and none of them are textbook cases it seems. This is the age when some of the underlying behaviors really surface because the child is developing their own sense of things and issues seem to manifest easier. What some people refer to as a child having a tantrum for a SPD child is actually a child completely overwhelmed and not able to process the things going on around them. They enter fight or flight stage and sometimes they just can’t do anything but fuss. This is Michael at this time and the episodes are becoming more frequent. He has stopped staying in the nursery at church for some reason. Even if his favorite ‘big sister’ is in there he is still overwhelmed by all the commotion. So, in church we sit each Sunday with puzzles and hope for the best. At this stage it is have him in the service making some noise or stay at home. I choose to take him and offer myself to God and thank him for the blessings and ask him for strength for the week ahead. We have two children to love, one who often times gets the bad end of the deal, and a marriage to nurture. SPD and apraxia don’t go well together. Often times the fact that Michael can’t communicate leads to an episode because he gets so upset that we can’t understand him. She helps us know when it is time to start massaging his incisions to help reduce and break up any scar tissue. She tells me how long to wear his brace. She fits and makes splints out of a flat piece of moldable plastic. Sometimes I refer to her as our miracle worker. As we sat at the therapy table and he tried so hard to pick things up with his right index finger and thumb it was so hard to watch him struggle so much. Again, that feeling in the pit of my stomach and the reality that I can’t change it. All I can do is help him the best I can. The storm rages inside me…in my mind, in my heart, in my stomach. That moment that tears are forming and you are fighting them. The calm in this storm is that beautiful soul holding Michael’s left hand so he has to use his right hand. It is that person we call our OT who accepts nothing but the best from Michael. She won’t let him have an inch and God in this storm I praise you for sending her to us. We know she is a gift from you. Without her we wouldn’t have the progress we have and we wouldn’t have ever known about our speech therapist.

After we leave therapy I check in with our state case worker for the infant toddler program. She has been a calm in this storm since Michael was a few months old. She has held our hand, gave hugs, listened to our concerns, helped write goals that will challenge him, helped us get the therapy Michael needs and she even visited the little man at the hospital when he had his last surgery and brought him a book. Currently she is trying to help us get his OT at Lenox Baker into the state program. Each therapy session is almost $600 for 45 minutes and he needs weekly sessions. With a $1200 OT bill each month there is no way we can swing $2400 must less $3000 for months with 5 weeks! She doesn’t have to spend all this time helping us, but she does. She could just do the minimum that she is required to do…but she doesn’t. She is the calm in our storm. Thank you God for this special person who is doing the work she heard you call her to do.

As we ride home and Michael screams the whole way home because he saw the playground at Chick Fil A because I didn’t communicate beforehand that we weren’t going to play…I pick up the phone and call my sister and give her the latest update on speech that I had given my mom earlier in the day. She listens and asks questions. Meanwhile Michael is screaming in the background. She doesn’t say, “do something for him”. She understands that at this point I can’t do anything else. You see, without our family and close friends this storm might just take over us…especially me. I’m weak. I’m weary. Knowing I can call my family and close friends and have support and not judgment is probably one of the things that calms the storm the most. Thank you God for family and friends who know the battles we are up against. Thank you God for the friends and family who try to educate themselves.

So, for the first morning in months Michael didn’t scream when we went to the car instead of the van. For the first morning in a while he didn’t cry when I left him at school. Thanks to our OT I prepped him continuously before we left the house that we were riding the car. The whole way to school I told him he was going to school and that I was picking him up. Is it a coincidence? Maybe. Maybe, just maybe, I did something right this morning…something that works for Michael. We can only hope. Matthew 8: 23-27 reminds us that we should not be afraid. It reminds us that Jesus is the calm in the storm of our life. I write this blog not to tell you that I’m a perfect Christian or I have it all right. I write this to tell you I am an imperfect Christian who often times doesn’t get it right. I write this to tell you that I live in fear and I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I write this blog to tell you that with all of this there is one thing I know. Jesus is my Savior and he is the answer. I want to share the prayer written in my NIV Worship Bible by Marantha for this passage.

Lord, if You are able to calm the storm at sea, surely You can calm the storms in my life. I find myself day by day in the middle of the swirling, raging storms of this world—the snarled traffic, the incessant noise, the political unrest, the wars, the fear and the violence. But Lord, I confess that there are other storms—storms inside of me, storms of my own making. I worry and allow myself to succumb to stress instead of trusting You. I get caught up in little spats and feuds with loved ones when You’ve called me to be a peacemaker. I now see so clearly what little faith I really have. Forgive me, Lord. Come and speak to the storms within and without. Come and be my peace (Isaiah 26: 3, 12)

Lord I lift my hands to praise you…through my tears that you hold in your hand…through the fear…you hear my cry…thank you for the reminder that my help comes from You. You might not calm the storm, but through the rain you are there...My strength is almost gone but I can carry on because you carry me...As we face this day let us seek you as the calm in our storm...Thank you God for your mercy...Blessed be the name of the Lord...and ALL God’s people said AMEN!

Here I am...Lord!

Matthew 13 is the parable of the sower. This can be a metaphor for our spiritual walk. This scripture is a favorite, but not because it gives me the warm and fuzzies. Instead it serves as a reality check. You see when it comes to being patient and waiting for things to grow "roots" (including myself" I fall short. I want things to happen and happen now. Then I wonder why things aren't long-lasting. This passage reminds me that having a good root system is important and that I consistently fall short. My appreciation for this passage was a result of my Emmaus Walk several years ago. At that time most people would have thought all was good, but it was "all good" on the surface. My roots were not growing in fertile soil. I was the soil on top of the rocks. I would sit in church and hear the message, but not "feel" it. It had nothing to do with the pastor and everything to do with my heart and my spiritual root system. As a result of my time away from the real world during my Emmaus weekend I learned many things (mostly about myself). As this scripture was read during a talk I literally felt a knot in my stomach. I was convicted there in my chair. My roots were trying to grow in soil that was shallow. My spiritual plants were being scorched by the son and withering. The thorns of life were choking me.

That weekend I re-dedicated my life to Christ and vowed to make Him number 1 in my life. My friends, this changed my life. I have a long way to go still. This walk with Christ is never finished while we are here on earth. From this scripture I know my life must be rooted in Him. My roots cannot exist and be fruitful without healthy does of prayer (LOTS of prayer), Bible study, participating in the life of the church, witnessing to others and giving of myself. These things make up my root system--years later my soil still has some rocks, but they are much smaller and not as prevalent. I am human and so are you. Join me today to recommit your life to Christ. Is your soil full of rocks? Start small (like a seed) and grown it (like a nicely rooted flower) and flourish. If you know me very well you know that my two grandmothers were very dear to me. Both had a strong faith. My MaMa Long had Bibles everywhere in her house, but there was one in particular that I asked for when she died. It is not pretty. In fact, it wasn't in a pretty location either. She kept it in her bathroom. It is well worn. In fact the cover is falling off. A well worn Bible is a well used Bible. Take a look at your Bible. Is it worn or does it need some pages turned? One way to remove rocks from our soil is studying the Bible. I can only hope that when I die one of my grandchildren will want my Bible and that they will be able to look at it and see that it was used often. I hope they have to tape it together because it is falling apart. I hope pages are worn and it is full of underlines, prayers and notes.

I've said it before, but I'm saying it again. You (I) have to make sure that we don't make this journey with Christ a solitary journey. On my Emmaus weekend I realized up until that point my walk was a solitary one---reach out to others, pray for yourself, ask people to pray for you, pray for others and most of all love not only others but yourself. A friend of mine that has laughed with me, cried with me and prayed over me gave me a Bible several years ago that isn't in print anymore. It has great quotes, notes and prayers in the margins. It also has letters along the way. It also had space for your to write notes and prayers. I want to share with you the prayer it has for Matthew 13-1:23.

"Lord Jesus, I praise and thank You for choosing to plant Your Word in my life. I yearn to be fertile ground for Your truth. I long to bear good fruit for You. Remove the rocks, chase away the birds and rebuke the evil One who would hinder my growth. Lord, in Your mercy hear my prayer. May I listen and understand and live according to Your Word today, and in so doing bring a bountiful harvest to You, the Wise and Eternal Gardener."

Lord, let this be our prayer. Help us to work on our soil. Help us to seek You. Without fertile soil we cannot do the work You have called us to do. Let us free ourselves for joyful obedience.

Now...now is the time to worship. Offer yourself to Him. He hears us cry. If we dwell in dark and sin His hand will save. We just have to ask. He makes the stars of night. Have you heard Him calling in the night? Will you go? Sometimes it is simples as saying Here I am Lord.

Friend of mine, friend of mine, what do you see?

Do you remember the book Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do You See? That is one of the few books that Michael will let us read to him right now. He will actually sit still and let you read it to him multiple times. Yesterday God touched my heart through my son’s preschool class.  I walked into class and was immediately greeted by one of the afternoon teachers. She said with excitement, “Ms. K  made me promise to show you this. Come look.” Well, I was sure I was going to find a toy that was broken to pieces or a child with a mark from Michael hitting him. Instead what I found was a lesson in perception.

As she pointed at the wall, she told me that they used the handprints to make elephants. The thumb was the trunk and the other fingers were the legs. She smiled and said, “Look, Michael’s elephant is stampeding!” I looked up at the wall and there it was…a beautiful grey elephant running. It was beautiful. Michael’s teachers could choose to shy away from handprint activities or to try to make Michael’s look ‘better’, but they don’t. They love this little man and all his uniqueness. Instead of looking at the handprint and seeing something that needed touching up, they saw a beautiful elephant in motion. Folks, this is what life is all about. We choose to see things the way we want to see them. I am the world's worst about expecting the worst. Through Bible study, prayer and Christian fellowship I continue to work on that. We can let things get the best of us. We can be consumed with fear, guilt, anger, hostility and many other emotions. We can also choose to take lemons and make lemonade. Just as we can choose our reaction we can choose to look at things from a different perspective.

Ephesians 6 talks about putting on the armor of God. He does not leave us defenseless. Through prayer and allowing the Holy Spirit to equip us we can help ourselves look for the opportunity in situations…for the unexpected. I praise God each morning as I pull out of the parking lot to go to work and each evening as I pull out to go home that Michael is surrounded each day by such loving teachers. These teachers choose to look for opportunity. These teachers choose to look for the unexpected. These same teachers helped build the foundation that Mary Emma stands on today. They instilled a love of learning in her and a curiosity that will carry her far in life.  Ephesians 6:4 tells us to bring our children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. It is no coincidence that when our children are baptized that the church vows to help raise the child. In addition to this wonderful preschool we are blessed to have a church in which our children can grow with God. Both our children attend Sunday school and church, and Mary Emma does children's choir on Wednesdays. If you aren't in church or aren't taking your kids to church I invite you to start looking for a church that you can call home. Our walk with Christ is not meant to be a solitary journey, but one in community.

These same teachers who showed me the stampeding elephant inspire me to look at situations differently. Life isn’t easy and life can be hard. Life can throw curve balls at you that you never saw coming. Do you duck and let it pass you by or do you throw your hand up, catch the ball and do something with it? Michael’s challenges were certainly a curve ball for our family, but we have received abundant blessings and the elephants are one of them. So, as we go thru today let’s ask ourselves if there is more to see.

Friend of mine, friend of mine, what do you see?

We see stampeding elephants! That’s what we see!

Joy Comes in the Morning

Joy comes in the morning...a lot of times we refer to bad times as dark days. If we think of night as those times we feel disconnected from the world or from God we can think of those times that we are on the mountaintop as the morning. I have never been a huge fan of the King James Version because I find it hard to understand, but this is one scripture that the King James Version is my favorite translation.

Psalm 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Sometimes we don't even realize we are in the night until the morning comes. God is the morning to our night. He is the joy in our sorrow. Seek him in times of darkness and he will bring you light. One of my favorite songs is As the Deer. You may have realized that many songs are my favorite. :-) Here are the lyrics if you don't have time to listen to the video. The song itself is sure to calm you and redirect your thoughts to Him. It is beautiful.

As the deer panteth for the water. So my soul longeth after Thee. You alone are my heart's desire. And I long to worship Thee. You alone are my strength, my shield. To You alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my heart's desire. And I long to worship Thee. You're my friend and You are my brother. Even though You are a king. I love You more than any other. So much more than anything. I want You more than gold or silver. Only You can satisfy. You alone are the real joy giver. And the apple of my eye.

If you feel a longing in your heart and it cannot be satisfied that longing may be a relationship with God. I remember several years ago, before we were blessed with our miracle babies, I was in a terrible place emotionally and spiritually. We were trying to hard to get pregnant. We had tried several low dose medications and nothing had helped. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks and had to have a D & C.  All my thoughts were "why" this "why" that. My husband was constantly asking about what day of my cycle it was and trying to figure out when I might be ovulating. We both wanted to desperately to be parents. I decided to throw myself into children at our church. I was already active with the children's ministry, but if I couldn't have my own I would serve those in our church. I helped with VBS, taught on Wednesday nights, helped in the nursery and with other special activities. I focused on serving my church in other areas as well. This redirected my focus. Instead of being as focused on myself and my pity I was focused on serving others.

During this time my pastor at the time, the same one that threw me under the bus in another post (love you Stuey), and his wife sponsored me to go on a weekend short-course in Christianity called Walk to Emmaus.  The walk was through the Heart of Carolina Emmaus Community.  I was scared and excited at the same time. I wanted to reconnect with God and myself. I felt like I didn't know who I was anymore and I was hopeful this would help me be a better servant for my Lord, a better wife, and a better Christian above all. That weekend changed me forever. This was the joy in the morning I had been waiting for. I didn't have a cell phone or watch and I didn't have to think about when I was going to get up or eat. It was all taken care of. All I had to do was open my ears, my heart and let the Holy Spirit come in. That weekend included a very spiritual time in which you die to something that is holding you back from serving Him and loving Him with all your heart. My friends...that day I died to resentment for not being able to bear a child. I meant it and it was if I had been freed. I still wanted a child and wanted to pursue alternative methods of getting pregnant, but it didn't consume me as it had before.

After that weekend I could find the joy in the morning much easier and every minute of every day didn't seem like the night. I wasn't sad inside all the time. I wasn't mad inside all the time. I was freed for joyful obedience. My friends...your soul longs for an intimate relationship with our God. He is our heart's desire. We should love him more than any other. All glory and honor is His. As we face the day today let us remember that He comes first. So many times (like the other day with the therapy stuff) I put things before God. Join me today in seeking Him first. When you find yourself overwhelmed seek Him in prayer. Come...now is the time to worship!

Calm in the Storm

Have you ever been in situations that you didn't even know you were in? Have you had things going on around you and you feel like the center of a tornado? My whole day yesterday was like this. Balancing the many demands of life can sometimes overwhelm us. That's how I felt yesterday. The work day hadn't been the greatest. I had reasoned to myself that other people choose how to react to situations and you can't control how others feel or think about a situation. I had also realized how gossip is the Devil's playground and some people apparently live on the playground. I'm not on the playground and I don't even want to be on the sidewalk headed to it. As I headed to my car to go home I admit my feelings had been hurt and I was having a small pity party. Stupid me. This stuff that was apparently so important to other people was incredibly INSIGNIFICANT to me and if I didn't really believe it I would soon know for sure.

My husband had picked up Mary Emma so I was headed to pick up Michael. I was a few minutes away from his daycare and his OT called. She had completed several diagnostic evaluations at our last appointment and she wanted to share the results. Michael's sensory issues are continually increasing (we had to do brushing and other interventions to get him to eat textured foods and touch odd fabrics and textures when he was a baby). She also talked about the fact that he doesn't always connect with what he sees with regard to learning shapes, colors and other things appropriate for his age. He memorizes things, but relating if you give him a square that isn't the one you showed him the first time he doesn't connect it. She suggested doing OT twice a month and moving to weekly therapy in a few months. It's one thing to know there are some issues, but then to think of balancing everything...and the money...whew...the money. It is worth every penny, but it can still be overwhelming when you put the numbers to paper and realize that my paycheck will basically be going to therapy. Michael has weekly speech therapy and developmental therapy in his daycare already. You see my husband and I both work and we don't qualify for any of the sliding scale discounts.  We are part of the state's infant toddler program and our caseworker is AWESOME! She does everything she can to help us. It would all be so much better if we could get the state to approve his OT at it's current location. I understand it is hard to do this, but it is best for him.

My immediate thoughts were whether or not I have the courage and energy for yet another uphill struggle. I kept telling myself...ABSOLUTELY! I was telling myself that, but I certainly wasn't feeling it in my heart. I talked to our daycare owner, who is also WONDERFUL. We talked about how important it is for him to not miss anymore time in the classroom than he already does. Those skills, words, and actions he is learning and developing are so important. I was so emotional, crying of course, and she reached out and hugged me and told me I scared her because she thought I was telling her I was pulling him out. She reassured me that they would do anything they could to help him. She talked about her daughter's own sensory issues. As I left her office I felt a little weight lift off my chest. I had a little bit more energy for the task ahead.

As we headed home I kept looking at my little man in the rearview mirror. He is worth every trial and tribulation. I prayed to God to give me the courage and endurance for the race before me. I might not feel qualified. However, I know He will equip me. If there is one thing in this journey with Christ that I have learned it is that you have to reach out and not be afraid to ask for help and prayers. My husband watched the kids when I got home and I spent some time outside by myself and 'got myself together.' After getting the kids ready for bed I texted my mom and sister. These two ladies are incredibly supportive and are my rock. They help with Mary Emma and Michael any way they can. I also know they are prayer warriors. It's one thing to ask someone to pray; it's another thing to know they will do it. My help comes from the Lord, but I know they will go to Him on my behalf seeking that help. I also texted my friend who came to stay with me in the hospital. When I'm upset I can tell her and she doesn't try to fix it or say something to make me feel better she just reminds me she loves me, will pray for me and is there to listen. Sometimes just sharing your fears releases them. I felt so much better having shared my fears and knowing prayers were going up on my behalf. I logged on to facebook and the first thing I saw was a post by Mandisa quoting a lyric from her song Shackles (Praise You). "Been through the fire and the rain bound in every kind of way but God has broken every chain." I know he will break the chains and set me free for this race. It doesn't mean I will win, but he will equip me.

When the storm is swirling around you there is a calm waiting for you in the storm. Reach out to your prayer warrior friends, fall to your knees in prayer. If you are like me you don't always know what to say. It's okay, God knows what is on your heart. He knows your every need. You only need to seek Him. When I don't know what words to pray I listen to the song Word of God Speak by Mercy Me.  It's okay to be at a loss for words. You don't need to be heard. You need to hear what He has to say. He will wash your eyes so you can see his Majesty. He is in this place...stay and rest in His holiness. When the storm rages find a quiet place and be in the midst of Him. All you need is to be with Him. In the quiet you will hear His voice. The word of God will speak to your heart and the storm will calm. Be still. Find your calm in the storm. May the Peace of Christ be yours today! God bless you!

He Will Make You Worthy

If you are anything like me there are many times in life when you don't feel worthy. Several years ago I wasn't feeling particularly worthy and it was certainly a stressful time. My father-in-law had just passed away. My mother-in-law, husband and brother-in-law had to make the difficult decision to remove him from life support. I had just started a new job a few months earlier and I was understandably nervous about asking off, especially since I was a teacher. My mom had talked to my husband earlier in the day and she called to tell me that it was important to go there right after school that things didn't sound good.

As soon as I got off work I headed to the hospital and met our family in the waiting room. It was a crowded area and there was only one seat left. Wouldn't you know it...it was beside the preacher that I hadn't met yet. I'm not a very social person when it comes to new people so with much anxiety I sat beside him. We talked for a moment and then it was time to go back to the ICU room. I was so scared. I had never been around someone as they took their last breath. As we walked back, my knees feeling like jello I silently prayed and asked God to give me the courage and strength to be there for my husband and his family. It wasn't about me and my fear it was about being there for them.

I remember walking into that room and seeing my father-in-law's chest move up and down as if a robot had entered his body. It was time to say our final goodbyes. I walked up to him and said, "Gepetto...we love you. " His name was Geter but when my husband and I started dating he couldn't remember my name. Instead of calling me Kara he called me Karen, Carol, Carrie, etc. So in order to get him back I tried to come up with a name similar to his. Geter isn't exactly a name that has lots of choices and all I could come up with was Gepetto. From that moment forward he was Gepetto, and he still is. They turned off all the assistive devices and in less than one minute he faded into eternity.

Gepetto was a HUGE fan of bluegrass, gospel, anything that reminded him of his Appalachian roots. We looked at many songs and when I heard Fishers of Men by Rhonda Vincent I knew it was the one. It knocked me off my feet and when I feel unworthy this is the song I always listen to. It reenergizes my soul to do the work God has called me here to do. So many times we miss the call from God. It might be that still voice of the Holy Spirit or it might come through others. Lives can be changed and blessings flow when we hear that call and act on it.

18 As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed him.  21 Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22 and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him. (Matthew 4:18-22)

Sometimes the call comes through another person. God uses all of us to do his work. The scripture from Matthew doesn't say "You will fish for people". It says I will send you out to fish for people. Jesus doesn't tell them to go their own way he says "follow me." Fishing was something these men knew how to do and Jesus was calling them to do something they didn't necessarily have skills for. In a similar scripture from Mark it says that they left their father in the boat with the hired men.

You know that preacher I told you about that I had to sit beside? He is now one of my dearest friends. He has moved on to other churches, but the lessons he taught me remain etched in my heart. I got to know him pretty well, he baptized my daughter and my husband. He accepted my transfer of membership into our church and helped me blossom as a servant in this world. The one that has touched me the most is one of those moments that I decided not to listen to the Holy Spirit. There was a new couple in church who had a daughter who appeared to be close in age to our daughter. I saw them from afar but I'm just not one to go up to random people so I was making my escape and Stuart caught me. I usually skip the 'shake the pastor's hand' line because it has always seemed a little odd to me. That day he caught my eye so I went up and gave him a hug and he took my hand to shake it and said, "Did you see that couple over there?" I responded that I had. He asked me if I had spoken to them. You know my answer. Then he told me that it looked like their daughter was Mary Emma's age. I told him I saw that. He gave me the evil eye so to speak and told me he thought it would be a good idea for me to go over to them and introduce myself. I gave him the "you must be kidding" look and as if I were a child asked him if I had to. He smiled and said "YES!"

My friends...if I had not introduced myself I cant' imagine the blessings I would have missed out on. You see this couple has become some of our closest friends. Our first children were born one month to the day apart. Our second children were born less than 24 hours apart. God prepares you for things before you even realize it. Michael's diagnosis, the unknown variables about his health, and dealing with a child that has special needs would help me be a more empathetic friend. I was being prepared for that day when my friend told me she was pregnant again. I quickly told her that I was sitting this one out! :-) It wasn't long after this that she also told me they were going thru extensive testing, but they were pretty sure this child had an extra chromosome resulting in Down's Syndrome. I will never know exactly how she and her husband felt, but I did understand the shock and fear. There were many decisions to be made. The point here isn't the Down's Syndrome, but that beautiful baby girl that was born months later. I have been in love with her since the moment I layed eyes on her. She stares at me like I'm the most interesting person on earth. Her smile is infectious and watching her triumph over obstacles in her path has been a blessing that I cannot put into words. You see...if not for the preacher making me go over and introduce myself we might not have became close friends with these people. My daughter wouldn't have a best friend in their daughter, we wouldn't have shared the joys and horrors of being pregnant together, and I wouldn't have this sweet angel to love on. I ignored the Holy Spirit's voice that day. Thank God for a friend who saw the opportunity and pushed me...I usually referred to these moments as 'throwing me under the bus.' He was pretty good at that!

Since this experience I have tried to listen more carefully and look around more to be a fisher of men. I am not worthy for this task alone and neither are you. He will make you worthy. He will make you a fisher of men. You will never be the same. Will you join me? Cast your nets aside. He will be our guide.

Jesus, Friend of Sinners...

Each day we have endless opportunities to show His grace. You never know where someone is in their faith walk. Remember, just because you don’t see the flower bloom…that doesn’t mean you didn’t plant the seed. My hope is that this post will help all of us make more careful choices and be more cognizant of the fact that how we treat others can change their future and ours. One of my favorite quotes is…don’t look down on anyone unless you are bending over to help them up. 

I want to start by sharing a story with you about a girl I knew almost 16 years ago. She had been raised in the church and had many fond memories of church—including vacation bible school, homecoming and a church that truly felt like home because of the loving people there. She graduated high school in the top 5% of her class and went off to start her bright future as a special education major in college. As a young girl she asked God if he saw fit to give her a special child, and she had always had compassion for everyone…but especially people with emotional and physical challenges. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to do, but she thought she wanted to teach so this seemed like a good fit. 

Only a few weeks after being at college in a dorm with no one to wake her up or tell her to go to class things started going downhill. Her mom had always told her that old annoying yet true cliché---you know the one…you are who you hang around. Well, it was indeed true. The people she hung around didn’t make the best choices and soon their normal became her normal. All the time she knew this wasn’t the right path and she tried to turn things around and she did to a certain extent. For the next two semesters she pulled her grades up. By the spring semester of the second year things had once again made a downhill sprint.

 One thing you must understand is that this girl’s grandmothers were everything to her. She loved her parents and family, but those grandmothers were on pedestals in her eyes. Well, one night she was off campus at a friends house and her mother was trying to call her. Her roommate didn’t know where she was and didn’t know how to get in touch with her. Some of you may not remember that cell phones weren’t all the rage yet. Her mom had called to tell her that one of her grandmothers had passed away. Her grandmother had passed away hours earlier and here she was having a good time while her family was grieving and worried trying to find her. Her heart was broken that she had lost her grandmother and it had finally hit her…she couldn’t’ do this anymore. This very night she decided she was not in the right place, not doing the right things and when she returned home that semester she returned home for good. For so many this was seen as a failure and at the time it was for her. Open mouth and gasp…yes she dropped out of school. She was at the bottom of the barrel. She had hit rock bottom…some might say the only way was up. Her parents were very disappointed, but they told her if she was going to stay in their house she was going to go to school and make something of herself.

I haven’t ever shared my story publicly, but I guess I have now…this girl was me…I dropped out of school. You see… For my parents this was understandably an extremely disappointing event , and if that wasn’t bad enough they had sunk a great deal of money into this “two year vacation”. My parents definitely didn’t let me forget what a failure this was, but they said that if I was going to live in their house that I was going to be in school. They still had faith in me. They still supported me and loved me anyway.

 Within a couple of months of being home I was totally distraught and I thought how can I make this right? My grandmothers were both pillars of their church and great Christian role models, as were my parents. My surviving grandmother surely didn’t let me down during this time. She never once mentioned why I was home. She took the “grandma high road” as I call it…for which I will be eternally grateful. I was still someone she could be proud of. It was as if there was an unspoken “I love you anyway”. This is mercy and grace my friends…

I was raised in church and if there is one thing that stuck…it is that the church is for sinners. For me, for you, for all humankind. So one Sunday, with a lump in my throat and some fear I returned to the church I grew up in. In a small community news travels fast so I knew people know I was “home.” Even after several people said…how can you go there after what you’ve done? I knew that in order to turn my life around I couldn’t do it alone. I needed Him and I needed the community of faith that had loved me since I was born. To my surprise--I walked thru the door, I was met with open arms. People hugged me and told me how good it was to see me. No one said…why are you home? They just told me how good it was to have me home. This gave me the courage to come back the next week and it soon became a habit…a pretty good one I think. This is grace and mercy my friends.

I started attending church regularly, helped with Vacation Bible School, and signed up for a class to join the church. That summer I met with our pastor and two older ladies who were sisters to learn about Methodism and what it means to be baptized and how that changes what death means to us. These sweet ladies were also joining the church. I had never been baptized and looking back I’m so thankful because I remember my baptism. We had many frank discussions during these meetings in the parsonage living room, but never once did my situation come up. Instead we were reminded that we have all strayed in some way. At the end of that summer I was baptized. My family came to support me and I saw God that day when I sat down beside my MaMa and she patted my leg and said, “I’m so proud of you.” If you think back to when I told you I WAS that girl…I used the past tense because thanks to God’s grace I am born anew through my baptism and I now live each day knowing that death isn’t the end of things, but the beginning of an eternal life. That day I was baptized I died to that person. 

Folks, I experienced grace and mercy at its best during one of the most difficult times of my life. I had strayed and had been cut down. The sword had been swung at me and I had tripped over some people but I was on my way to Him. Without this grace and mercy being shown to me I may have never returned to the church. I certainly wouldn’t be here today to share my story with you. I also wouldn’t have gone on to complete my Associate’s, bachelor’s and master’s degrees.

As a result of these experiences I made a promise to myself to look up and not around. I promised God I would not point fingers and I begged him to lead my heart with mercy. I wanted him to break my heart for what breaks His. Little did I know…several years later I would feel that broken heart. Our second child was born with a syndrome we knew nothing about. At first my heart was broken for him and his future, but as quick as my heart broke it was healed. For, that day I prayed for a special child when I was young had come to fruition. God had found me worthy to do this job and he had given me the best husband, family and friends to do it with. He trusted me…wow! He had also given this little man a big sister who would immediately take care of him and love him unconditionally. We are all his children…uniquely and wonderfully made and for the rest of my life I will proclaim this. There is a lesson in every blessing. I now have a new perspective on grace and mercy, and especially on all of us being uniquely and wonderfully made.

As we go on with our day…let’s ask ourselves—the world is on their way to Him…will they trip over us…are we looking around instead of up…is our heart divided. I challenge each of us to let our hearts be led by mercy so that we can show His grace to all we meet. So, will you join me…put your pointing finger and sword down and take up the cross of Jesus Christ. Jesus…please help us to be a friend of sinners. Help us to love each person and to be a model of your love to everyone we meet. Help us make our life movie one that we would be proud to sit down beside you and watch. Take a moment and look up the song “Jesus Friend of Sinners” by Casting Crowns. You will be glad you did! Peace and blessings to you!