Mercies in Disguise

I only post when I feel led to do so and honestly my spirituality has been on a seesaw over the past several months. If you live in my area and listen to 103.3 WAKG in the mornings you know who Brother Bob and Tabernacle Time is.  Brother Bob talked this morning about how we distance ourselves from God by putting  up walls to “protect” our hearts and our emotions. I know I am guilty of this and it was yet another divine message. I received my first message Friday night when both of the kids snuggled up and we started watching Disney’s Inside Out. We were up early Saturday finishing it. It had a profound impact on me. I was totally with Joy trying to get rid of Sadness and then at the end it was clear that they both belonged and had to work together. They could indeed co-exist. In fact, when they co-exist Fear, Anger and Disgust aren’t quite as active. So many times I feel bad for being sad. I feel like I should always be “happy.” Well, that just isn’t possible. Sometimes our sadness leads us to joy. Sometimes we have to experience sadness to appreciate joy.  The sermon on Sunday and Sunday school went hand in hand. Am I seeking Him. When I pull up in the church parking lot am I looking to see Him and grow in relationship with Him or am I there because that’s where I’m supposed to be. Is Jesus looking down wondering why I can’t see all the ways he is trying to talk to me? Am I allowing him to open my eyes and my heart so I can see Him and carry his light out into the world?

Most mornings in my house are spent trying not to be "that mom" who has to yell first thing in the morning. My husband leave at 6:10 and before he leaves he gets our daughter up and brings her downstairs. The rest of the morning rituals are left up to me. Unfortunately, the three of us who remain at home are not morning people. I try to get Mary Emma up to get dressed and she lays there like she can’t hear a word I’m saying . I go to get Michael up and the whole way to the bathroom he yells, “back to bed.” (Thanks Ted and Fred!) When it is time to go it is like herding wet cats through a mouse hole to get them out the door. So, needless to say many days by the time I get in the car or van I am already emotionally drained. We won’t even discuss the battle between riding the car and the van!!!

So, today on the way to school I was thinking about my son who is three and still in the two year old class. He was kept there for many reasons. He is comfortable there, he wasn’t potty trained when he turned three. He was developmentally a little behind and his speech was certainly delayed. Thank you, Apraxia of Speech . It is a comfortable place for our family too. Both of my children have been richly blessed by these teachers. I refer to his lead teachers as his security blanket. As I thought about how comfortable he is in the two year old class I started thinking about him moving up eventually and how we would make sure he had all he needed in the Pre-K class before going to Kindergarten. At that point it hit me….eventually our little man would have to leave the SAFE, COMPASSIONATE, CARING AND LOVING walls of this wonderful preschool. One day he wouldn’t have these individuals who had, in fact, known him since he was born to protect him. As my students say, I was in my feelings at that point. The tears flowed freely and as I looked in the rearview mirror I saw these two precious babies of ours and was sick at the thought of this sometimes cruel and dark world tainting their spirits. (It doesn’t help that one of my classes at school has been doing extensive research and projects on bullying and that alone will make you sick. The reality of bullying is not a pretty one.) So, as I dropped off Michael I had eyes filled with tears and his teachers being the angels they are were concerned and offered hugs. They asked if all was okay and all I could manage was that I was just having a moment and that I would message them later.

As I returned to the van a very special song was playing and it was a melody meant for my heart. Blessings by Laura Story was introduced to me several years ago by a good friend. It hits both of us at the most needed times. I was instantly reminded that these times that seem so tough might really be His mercies in disguise. When the darkness seems to win the pain reminds my heart that this is not my home. My healing comes through tears. Sometimes it takes these dark moments to feel him near. Just like in the movie sometimes the sadness helps us experience the joy more fully. Thank God for my family who lets me be me, for my mom and dad who constantly help with juggling the kids and still take time to love on me and support me. Thank God for a sister who listens to my struggles and supports me in ways I cannot express. Thank God for the rest of our family who supports and encourages us. Thank God for our church family and the love they pour on our family.

My friend, today you might be joyful or you might be feeling things that aren’t so joyful. In our walk with Christ we aren’t always on the mountaintop. Sometimes the valleys of life are what lead us to the mountaintop and there we can experience true joy. As you sit there today reading this own your feelings. Share them with someone close to you or you can share them with me. In this world we are almost trained to suppress our feelings and just keep moving. Do yourself a favor, take a moment to get in touch with yourself. In that moment you just might find where sadness meets joy. Our God hears you, He loves you and he desperately wants you to seek Him first. Jesus is our Superhero, our best friend.  Nothing in this world is our Superhero.  

Will you pray with me? Father, as this child of yours sits and reads this please help open our eyes and hearts so we can see you more fully. Give us the courage to address our feelings and fears so we can be freed for joyful obedience. Help us share those feelings with you and to come to you with our fears. We praise you for Your mercies in disguise. Grant us wisdome and the ability to hear your voice. Help us, Father to remember that in all things we should seek You first. Remind us that this earth is a temporary home and that through our relationship with you we will have everlasting life in our eternal home. Praises be to you God, the Father. Amen!

 

The Speech Journey...Hope, Patience and FAITH!

Romans 12:12--Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. This verse has become our family motto with regard to Michael's speech. Along with all the other obstacles our little man continues to hurdle over with mercy and grace he has something called Apraxia of Speech. If you are like me several months ago you probably have no idea what this is unless you have a child or friend with it. It isn't a developmental delay of speech in which a child progresses normally, albeit at a slower rate. This is a neurological condition in which the brain has trouble coordinating the muscles for speaking. It isn't a problem with muscles in the mouth, but the message they receive from the brain. Michael's case of apraxia is not severe, but it isn't mild either. At two years old he had maybe three of four consistent words.

Have you ever had a task ahead of you and you knew just how hard it was going to be and you dreaded it? You might have even quit and decided not to attempt it. Many kids with apraxia feel this way about speech. Speaking is actually a highly sophisticated thing to accomplish, but for many of us it seems to happen naturally. Kids with apraxia know it comes hard and every time they speak, especially words they haven't mastered yet, they have this feeling of jumping over the hurdle to get the word(s) out. The first time I heard of apraxia was when Michael was about 18 months old. Our occupational therapist, who has been with us since he was five months old, said she thought he might be apraxic but we couldn't know for sure until he had more attempts at speaking.

Michael started daycare the day he turned two and shortly after that we started speech therapy. This woman is amazing! Michael immediately fell in love with her and she began teaching our family and our daycare providers about ways to help Michael. We are so blessed the daycare providers are always willing to learn new ways to help the little man! The first thing she talked to us about was imitating. Michael knew nothing about imitating speech or other actions. He didn't pay attention to what others were doing. So, we began imitating him and playing silly games to try to trick him into imitating us. Hope...we had to have hope that this baby step would help. It seemed like something small, but it leads to things so much bigger. Imagine trying to stand on a piece of wood the size of your feet and then being asked to put that piece of wood on a post two inches by two inches and then being asked to stand on it. Imitating is the foundation to speech. I felt like such a failure as a parent. Why hadn't I realized he didn't imitate anything? Shouldn't I have known something was off when he would have any part of signing or looking at us when we did it? I had to have patience as many attempts failed and we would both get frustrated. I had to have patience as I took what I was learning at therapy home to my husband and daughter and try to get them on board. I had to have faith that it was going to work.

In the mean time, Michael's teachers had figured out that he was much more likely to attempt to speak when it was a class activity. There was no pressure when all the children were shouting the words. They took advantage of this and he started to say several words because of this. He started building a little confidence with attempting to speak. And, believe me when I tell you there was a celebration every time he spoke. It was music to everyone's ears. Our next stop in our speech journey was a communication book. AKA the five pound book Michael loves to carry and it's too heavy so he drops it every two feet! This book forced us to use shorter phrases and gave us more opportunities to say words and give Michael the opportunity to attempt them. It was a learning experience for all of us. At the time Michael didn't like reading books and he enjoyed looking through this so we went with it. It became our 'book time'. We had hope that this would be a segway to enjoying books. We had to have hope that he would start to imitate more. We had to have patience on the days we didn't have any luck. We had to have patience when we didn't see any results. We had to have patience as we had to let him lead us through the activities. We couldn't choose what we wanted to do, we had to let him make the move and we used that as an opportunity to say the words hoping he would attempt to repeat some of them. We had to have faith to endure this race. We had to have faith that if we didn't give up we would be able to come out on the other side of this. We added a developmental therapist to the mix around December of last year and she has been wonderful too. She reinforces everything and helps all of us sort out sensory issues and helps with speech too. A true angel!

Our latest tool is our Ipad. Michael has started saying so many words since we started using it. His speech therapist uses one and she saw great progress and suggested we try to get one when we could. We quickly learned it had to be an Ipad because most of the apps are designed for the Ipad, not the other tablet varieties. Some of our favorite apps are My Play Home, Fun with verbs and sentences, Peek-a-boo barn and the NAED apps. We have the full version of these, and some trial versions of other apps. Michael has also started looking at books and letting us read to him. Family and friends have bought him several recently as well. There are some great books that use a lot of repetition. Some of our favorites are Goodnight Moon, Brown Bear Brown Bear, The Foot Book, Five Little Monkeys and The Little Engine that Could.

I am happy to share with you that Michael is constantly babbling now, which is music to our ears! He has more than tripled his vocabulary in the last two months. He still has Apraxia, but it doesn't have him! He chooses every day to overcome Apraxia. He is trying harder than ever to communicate. He is desperate to communicate his wants and needs. He wants to have a conversation with you, but he isn't there yet. He wants to sing every word to songs he loves, but for now we settle for a few words per song. He knows every word to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Road Rally, but he can only say about 10 of them. He hums and inflects his voice as the characters do for the words he can't say. We have to have hope, patience and faith, but so does our little man. He has hope because of the wealth of people around him cheering him on, telling him he can do it, giving him every opportunity to succeed, a speech therapist instilling a love of communicating in him, teachers who love him and provide a safe environment for him to attempt speech in, parents and family who try with every ounce of their being to encourage him and celebrate every milestone big or small. He has patience because those people around him aren't rushing him to speak. They are effectively using wait time to give him the opportunity to get his brain to send the right messages to the muscle so he can speak. He doesn't feel the pressure of speaking, he only feels the JOY when it happens. He has faith because our God is an awesome God. I have no doubt that the faith we have in our God as the ultimate physician carries over to our little man. We are faithful in prayer along with our family, friends and church family. This little man is covered in prayer daily by our prayer warriors. If we have the fruits of the spirit on this journey of Apraxia we will make it.

If you are on this journey of apraxia, take heart in the fact that the future will be what it will be. All you can do is give your child every opportunity you can to overcome the fears and anxiety associated with speaking. Have hope that the words will come, patience to wait for them, and be faithful to withstand the trials and tribulations along the way. Everyone's journey is different, but never forget that every child deserves a voice.

It Takes A Village...

...and I don't just mean to raise a child. It takes a village to make it through this earthly journey. When you look around can you identify the people in your village? Are you in the village waiting to serve others as well? It takes a village...

After almost 13 years of marriage you would think we would have nourishing our marriage down to a science. The truth is it is never down to a science. It is just like the ocean. It ebbs and flows and has to adapt just as the shoreline adapts to the waves of the ocean. There was a time in our life as a married couple that I was the spiritual leader of our house and we didn't grow together in Christ as husband and wife. Today I praise God that isn't the case. I am proud for my husband to be the spiritual leader of our house. I am thankful that on Sunday we go together as a family to worship God. I am thankful that we are all active in the life of our church. Did I say our marriage is perfect? Nope! Did I say we can't do more for our church? Nope!

Most days, like today, our lives revolve around church and our children.  Today we have to divide and conquer. My parents are picking up our daughter and getting her ready for her ball game so my husband can pick her up and rush her to her game. In the mean time I am picking up the little man and headed to occupational therapy. I have to miss her game because it starts an hour away as we finish therapy. We have to divide and conquer. If it weren't for my parents on days like today we couldn't divide and conquer. One child would have to miss their activity. It takes a village...

Yesterday I was reminded of the importance of time to connect with my husband without the distractions of our house and our children. We dropped the kids off at Tia and Uncle Billy's (Mike's brother and his wife) and rushed to the neighboring town to pick up a rug for our living room and have a quick dinner. As we rode there in the truck with the windows down (a rare treat for me since I usually have one or both kids and never get to ride the truck) my husband reached over and rested his hand on the back of my neck. I looked over and smiled. We weren't distracted by children calling our names. There was no nag to get up and wash dishes, wash clothes, lay out clothes. We were just riding up the road enjoying each other's company. We went to a pizzeria we used to go to all the time when we were dating, married and even after Mary Emma was born. We haven't been much since Michael was born for some reason. We talked about our days at work, the state of the world, and of course the children. We had a civilized conversation. As we stood up to leave my husband leaned over to give me a kiss. A small gesture, but it meant so much. We never have time for that when we are corralling children or checking the table for items left behind. We walked next door to get the rug and headed home. I felt a sense of peace and calm and I looked over at the man I married with renewed commitment and thankfulness for him in my life.  We returned home to pick up the kids and Tia and Uncle Billy were still in one piece, although ready for bed I'm sure. We couldn't have had our impromptu date without them being willing to love on the kiddos, which they were more than obliged to do. It takes a village...

This isn't a thought provoking post except to say that whatever it is you need in life at this point sometimes you have to accept help from the village. It might be help with your kids, it might be help with a parent, or it might just be time with friends. Whatever it is that your soul needs in order to connect with yourself MAKE time to do it. Take time for what you need. I realized that I need time with my husband by myself. You can think it is selfish or irresponsible, but the opinions of others is not what is important here. I need to feel connected to my husband. He is my partner on this earthly journey and feeling connected to him outside of being a mother and father is important to me. You know why? It frees me for joyful obedience. It nourishes my soul and the peace I feel is just what my wings need to fly. It sounds corny and even a bit silly, but the 80 minutes I spent with my husband last night gave me an indescribable peace that I still hold on to this morning.

Since I was a child I haven't been much into asking for presents. My mom and dad taught me the joy of giving as a young child and it is still something that gives me great joy today. I wasn't the kid who made a list for Santa in July of every year and mailed it off close to Christmas. I usually didn't ask for specific birthday presents. I'm not the wife who demands a 10 year anniversary diamond ring. In fact, we don't generally do gifts for Valentine's day or our anniversary. So, Mike was a little caught off guard when a couple of months ago I asked him if I could request a special birthday present this year. My birthday isn't until July! He looked at me quizzically and asked what it might be. I said, "I want to go camping. Just me and you." He looked at me and said he'd see what he could do. Mary Emma will be 6 in September and we have never been on a vacation without the children. I think it's time. One day we will be waving to Michael as we pull away from his college dorm and Mary Emma will be finishing her senior of college year hopefully and we will go home to an empty house. When that day comes I don't want to look at my husband and wonder who he is, what he enjoys, what he likes. I certainly don't want him looking at me like that either. So, the lesson I take from yesterday is that accepting help from that village that is so willing is an important step toward our future as a family. We are blessed because our village is full of people from our family, our church family and a few friends.

Hebrews 10:24 says “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” May you find what frees you for joyful obedience and MAKE time to nourish it. I pray that Mike and I will bring Him glory through our commitment first to Him and then each other. On our wedding day our first dance was to You Say It Best When You Say Nothing At All by Allison Krauss. It's still true. Thank you God for my partner on this earth. Thank you for the father of my children. Thank you for the quiet time when he says nothing at all and yet it says everything I need to hear.

In the quiet of night...

Hebrews 4:12 says that the word of God is living and active. If you know me well you know that sleep is something that I've never had much of a problem with. Well, the last couple of months have been full of sleepless nights and many have been spent in the recliner. Last night as I reclined and looked up at the windows and out to the night sky there was an eerie quiet in the house. The TV wasn't on, my husband wasn't snoring, the air conditioning wasn't running, the ice maker wasn't pulling in water, the dishwasher wasn't finishing, the washing machine and dryer were quiet as mice, no toddler was crying, no 5 year old was standing at the top of the steps asking to sleep on the couch, no kitty was rustling around in the litter box and the two hound dog fur babies weren't barking. It was honestly creepy. During the day I crave silence, quiet and solitude and then when it happens I feel trapped and the quiet begins to suffocate me.

The days are filled with so many activities and requirements that there is little time to stop and let my mind get the best of me. You've probably heard the saying that an idle mind is the devil's playground and for me that is certainly true. Have you ever been so wrapped up in day to day life that you finally arrive at that quiet time you've been craving and it scares the crap out of you? Last night I was truly at a loss for words. I didn't know what to say. I felt this urge to just talk to God, but I had no words. There are many days that I'm almost afraid to just lay it all out there because I'm so full of emotions that if I let some of it out it might all break the dam and then we will have a flood. Is my heart prepared. Is my relationship with God and my faith in him strong enough to serve as an ark to carry me through the flood?

As I sat there in the recliner amidst the mind altering quiet I thought about the song that has been my friend for many years. Word of God Speak by MercyMe. I was truly at a loss for words for no particular reason. Then it occurred to me...YOU BIG DUMMY! The last thing I needed was to be heard. I needed to listen. I needed to listen for Him to speak to me and to just be in His presence. That was and is what my soul craves. As my mind, heart and soul turned to commune with Him the Devil lost. I didn't give in to the temptations of worries and fear. I gave in to the One who gave so much to me. As I covered up in the recliner, sniffled another sniffle thanks to my sinuses I resigned to sleeping in the recliner yet again. However, I was in a different place. I felt peaceful and ready for rest. I silently thanked God for His time with me tonight and for the blessings of today and the ones tomorrow would bring. As I ended my prayer I felt four little paws walking up my leg and my sweet little Leo crawled up on my chest and laid down over my heart. It might not seem like much but it was a physical reminder that my heart belongs to God and that in order to keep the Devil out I have to make more time to commune with God daily without the distractions of this world.

If you are like me and you are constantly on the go I dare you to carve out some time and simply exist. It might be watching the sunset, listening to the sounds of night on the porch, walking around the block, or whatever will give you QUIET time. Beyond the music and noise all you need is to be with Him. In the quiet you will hear His voice.

I Can't Believe My...

Amid all the hustle and bustle of doctors appointments, therapy and other things related to Michael there is a precious 5 year old, Mary Emma, who lives in our house. Sometimes children can teach us if we open our eyes, our minds and our hearts. We discovered late last week that Mary Emma had her first loose tooth. As the weekend progressed she was very annoyed by this loose tooth and last night as we put her brother to bed she read him a story. When she finished with the story she told her Daddy that she wanted him to pull her tooth.

We wiggled and jiggled and finally he was able to pull it. Of course she was scared initially but soon that faded into excitement about...the tooth fairy! She was anxious to get to bed to see what the tooth fairy might bring. Her Uncle Keith assured her the going rate was $20, but we let her know that wouldn't be the case at our house. :-) As I walked up the stairs this morning to slip the 5 $1 bills under her pillow I wondered what her reaction would be. I woke her up and she said, "Mommy, my tooth is still there and nothing else." Poor kid probably woke up 20 times last night to check. I urged her to check again. She got up on her knees, lifted the pillow and put her hands up to her face and said, "I can't believe my eyes." She couldn't believe the money was there. She was sure it wouldn't be. She quickly ran downstairs to show her Daddy before he left for work.

If you have children you know that if you don't want to be alone then you go to the bathroom! :-) I went to the bathroom and as usual I heard the pitter patter of feet heading that way. She sat down on the step stool with a pensive look as she held the money tightly in her hands.  I asked her what she was thinking about and this is what she said. "Mommy, I've been thinking about this money the tooth fairy brought me. I want to give it to children who don't have enough money. Can we do that?" I couldn't believe my ears. My sweet girl was taking all the money she had been given, not just some and giving it away. Wow!

What if we all had a servant heart like this. I needed to hear this lesson from my child. I needed the reminder that giving is important. Ephesians 1:18 is part of a prayer of thanksgiving. Open the Eyes of My Heart is a song that asks God to open the eyes of our hearts so we can see Him. Sometimes we see Him through others and through the work of the Holy Spirit. Click the link and be blessed by an autistic child who is also blind sing this song. The eyes of your heart will be open for sure! I would like to share the prayer printed in my NIV Worship Bible by Marantha!.

We praise You, glorious Father, for Your great power and wisdom. We, Your church--this immense collection of frail humanity--we are the body of Christ on earth. The Spirit that raised Jesus Christ from the dead now inhabits each of us with that same resurrection power. I am a part of Your living body, Lord Jesus. Fill me afresh with Your Spirit and open my eyes of faith so that I might understand not just in theory, but in day-to-day living, what it means to be a part of Your body. Teach me to think Your thoughts, to see with Your eyes, to hear with Your ears--to live and move and have my very existence in You )Acts 17:28; Ro 12:5; 1 Co 2:16)

Yesterday we celebrated Palm Sunday. As Jesus entered the city of Jerusalem his entry was triumphant. Today is Holy Monday. Jesus cleanses the temple of all the people treating it as a marketplace. He was unhappy that His Father's house was being treated in this way. The temple (church) is meant to be a place where sinners go to pray, worship and ask for forgiveness. Today let's focus on Him. Let's ask for child like faith and remember that He is who He says He is...our King.
 Let us say "I Can't Believe My Heart!"

The little things...

Last night when I got home from church my husband told me that our male dog, Bear, was tied out and waiting for me to put him up. Reluctantly I went out there to put him up. The moment I approached him he jumped up softly (as softly as a 90+ pound dog can) and looked up at me with his big eyes, droopy ears and slobbery face as if he hadn't seen me in days. My heart melted and I hugged him and held him. That unconditional love from him and the pretty girl inside the fence barking out of jealously can melt away any cares that preceded my visit. What if us humans could be as consistently loving and forgiving as these precious canines? This world would certainly be a better place. My point is to never underestimate the little things...you never know how big a little thing can be to someone else.

As I put our 5 year old to bed last night we worked yet again on tying her shoes. She has been trying for some time now and we haven't been able to master it. I got the book Red Lace, Yellow Lace a couple of weeks ago and we have worked with it some. Last night she was determined and after a while she was able to do it herself with only prompting from me. I didn't have to touch a thing. This was a huge step for her. She reached over and gave me a big hug and said, "Oh mommy...thank you so much for teaching me to do this." It's the little things...

About 2:30 last night I was hit in the face with a fluffy green dinosaur. There was a 2 year old standing there looking at me with sleepy eyes. He felt like he might be a little warm, but not really a fever. I got up and gave him medicine just in case and some tea. It was clear he wasn't going to sleep anytime soon so we retreated to the recliner in the living room. A couple of hours later I could tell he was getting sleepy so I told him several times we were turning off the TV and going night night. The moment I turned off the TV he climbed up on my shoulder and put his head down for a while. It's the little things... After he laid there a while he turned around and picked up my left hand and placed it ever so gently on his tummy and he reached for my right hand so we could hold hands. As I sat there I thought to myself...what a blessing to have this sweet little man to take care of. There were days several years ago when I honestly thought I'd never have a baby to hold. It's the little things...

At school Michael has speech therapy on Mondays and developmental therapy on Thursdays. His developmental therapist is just returning from maternity leave and boy is she hitting the ground running. First of all, teachers aren't always welcoming of having therapists in their room. We are blessed because Michael's teachers love the therapists coming and they use it as an opportunity to learn more about how to help the little man be the best kid he can be. His therapist called me on her way to his school and talked for almost 45 minutes about him. She shared ideas with me, offered suggestions and just listened. She certainly didn't have to spend her drive on the phone with me, but she did. I had a rough morning with the little man. He went to get a doughnut like he does every morning and my 5 year old assistant didn't tell me they ate the last ones yesterday. Well, his world fell apart because not having the doughnut changed our morning routine. After talking with the therapist I felt a sense of calm and felt like I had some ideas for the future. It's the little things...

Sometimes as a society, myself included, we feel like we have to do big things for people or it is insignificant. Today as we go thru the day let's try to do some little things for others. It might be as simple as a text to say 'thinking about you', an email, a hug, a candy bar, or an anonymous good deed. You might plant a seed that you won't know the outcome, but you have planted the seed. Doing things for others isn't about the thank you. It isn't about seeing the outcome. It's about doing it from the goodness of your heart and out of Christian love.  We all get by with a little help from our friends... Will you pray with me?

God we come to you to ask you to help us find the little things in our lives that we often overlook. We ask you to help us offer you praise for these little things. Help us look for opportunities to do little things for others. Thank you for this day and thank you for the little things. Amen.

Freely Forgiven

In Sunday School this past Sunday we read Psalm 51 and it reminded me that we all need a reminder about God's forgiveness. The ground at the foot of the cross is level. One person is not higher than another. If you are kneeling at the foot of the cross wholeheartedly asking God for forgiveness YOU are freely forgiven. Sometimes that is a hard pill for us to swallow. Take a minute and read Psalm 51. So many times in our lives we want to paint the picture prettier than it is. The fact is we are all sinners. One thing about the Bible is that no one is telling the stories through rose colored glasses. David had an affair with Bathsheba and this Psalm expresses true repentance of a sinner.

Our God is a God full of grace and mercy. We are loved by Him and we are His children. We are called to shout his name and sing Hosanna in the highest! Is there something you are ashamed of? We all have things that we'd rather not remember or talk about. Think about this...if your life movie (every second of it) were playing on the big screen at the movies would you want God there to watch it with you? Guess what...he has ALREADY seen it and He LOVES you anyway. There is no coincidence that the words forgive and forgiveness are mentioned so many times in the Bible. It is important to seek forgiveness and to forgive. We can ask for forgiveness all day, but we can't experience the blessings of forgiveness until we forgive ourselves. Take time today to reconcile with yourself for things you have already asked for forgiveness for. He has forgiven you and He is waiting for you to sing Hosanna.

You may be so blessed that you read this and you don't have a thing to fall to your knees for. Then, fall to your knees and praise Him. If you are sitting there reading this and you have something tugging at your heart...I do...fall to your knees and commune with God. Tell him how you feel ask him to help you forgive yourself. You can't do it alone; you can only do it when you seek Him first. If you haven't reconciled with someone and feel like you need to start there you can, but seek Him first so you will be going in the right mindset. I'm writing two letters to two people who I feel like I just need to ask for forgiveness. Every time I hear the word forgiveness these two people come to mind and doing this will give my soul peace.

A wonderful song-- 10,000 Reasons reminds us that the Sun has come up today...it is a new day dawning...let's start on our knees so we can still be singing when the evening comes. Will you pray with me?

Father, we come to you to worship your Holy Name and ask you to bless our soul. We want to sing Hosanna like we have never sang before. Help us to remember that whatever happened in the past is just that..the past. Help us to know that whatever lies ahead we can face when we seek You first. Father, help us to become one with you so that we can still be singing when the evening comes. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. AMEN and AMEN.