The Speech Journey...Hope, Patience and FAITH!

Romans 12:12--Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. This verse has become our family motto with regard to Michael's speech. Along with all the other obstacles our little man continues to hurdle over with mercy and grace he has something called Apraxia of Speech. If you are like me several months ago you probably have no idea what this is unless you have a child or friend with it. It isn't a developmental delay of speech in which a child progresses normally, albeit at a slower rate. This is a neurological condition in which the brain has trouble coordinating the muscles for speaking. It isn't a problem with muscles in the mouth, but the message they receive from the brain. Michael's case of apraxia is not severe, but it isn't mild either. At two years old he had maybe three of four consistent words.

Have you ever had a task ahead of you and you knew just how hard it was going to be and you dreaded it? You might have even quit and decided not to attempt it. Many kids with apraxia feel this way about speech. Speaking is actually a highly sophisticated thing to accomplish, but for many of us it seems to happen naturally. Kids with apraxia know it comes hard and every time they speak, especially words they haven't mastered yet, they have this feeling of jumping over the hurdle to get the word(s) out. The first time I heard of apraxia was when Michael was about 18 months old. Our occupational therapist, who has been with us since he was five months old, said she thought he might be apraxic but we couldn't know for sure until he had more attempts at speaking.

Michael started daycare the day he turned two and shortly after that we started speech therapy. This woman is amazing! Michael immediately fell in love with her and she began teaching our family and our daycare providers about ways to help Michael. We are so blessed the daycare providers are always willing to learn new ways to help the little man! The first thing she talked to us about was imitating. Michael knew nothing about imitating speech or other actions. He didn't pay attention to what others were doing. So, we began imitating him and playing silly games to try to trick him into imitating us. Hope...we had to have hope that this baby step would help. It seemed like something small, but it leads to things so much bigger. Imagine trying to stand on a piece of wood the size of your feet and then being asked to put that piece of wood on a post two inches by two inches and then being asked to stand on it. Imitating is the foundation to speech. I felt like such a failure as a parent. Why hadn't I realized he didn't imitate anything? Shouldn't I have known something was off when he would have any part of signing or looking at us when we did it? I had to have patience as many attempts failed and we would both get frustrated. I had to have patience as I took what I was learning at therapy home to my husband and daughter and try to get them on board. I had to have faith that it was going to work.

In the mean time, Michael's teachers had figured out that he was much more likely to attempt to speak when it was a class activity. There was no pressure when all the children were shouting the words. They took advantage of this and he started to say several words because of this. He started building a little confidence with attempting to speak. And, believe me when I tell you there was a celebration every time he spoke. It was music to everyone's ears. Our next stop in our speech journey was a communication book. AKA the five pound book Michael loves to carry and it's too heavy so he drops it every two feet! This book forced us to use shorter phrases and gave us more opportunities to say words and give Michael the opportunity to attempt them. It was a learning experience for all of us. At the time Michael didn't like reading books and he enjoyed looking through this so we went with it. It became our 'book time'. We had hope that this would be a segway to enjoying books. We had to have hope that he would start to imitate more. We had to have patience on the days we didn't have any luck. We had to have patience when we didn't see any results. We had to have patience as we had to let him lead us through the activities. We couldn't choose what we wanted to do, we had to let him make the move and we used that as an opportunity to say the words hoping he would attempt to repeat some of them. We had to have faith to endure this race. We had to have faith that if we didn't give up we would be able to come out on the other side of this. We added a developmental therapist to the mix around December of last year and she has been wonderful too. She reinforces everything and helps all of us sort out sensory issues and helps with speech too. A true angel!

Our latest tool is our Ipad. Michael has started saying so many words since we started using it. His speech therapist uses one and she saw great progress and suggested we try to get one when we could. We quickly learned it had to be an Ipad because most of the apps are designed for the Ipad, not the other tablet varieties. Some of our favorite apps are My Play Home, Fun with verbs and sentences, Peek-a-boo barn and the NAED apps. We have the full version of these, and some trial versions of other apps. Michael has also started looking at books and letting us read to him. Family and friends have bought him several recently as well. There are some great books that use a lot of repetition. Some of our favorites are Goodnight Moon, Brown Bear Brown Bear, The Foot Book, Five Little Monkeys and The Little Engine that Could.

I am happy to share with you that Michael is constantly babbling now, which is music to our ears! He has more than tripled his vocabulary in the last two months. He still has Apraxia, but it doesn't have him! He chooses every day to overcome Apraxia. He is trying harder than ever to communicate. He is desperate to communicate his wants and needs. He wants to have a conversation with you, but he isn't there yet. He wants to sing every word to songs he loves, but for now we settle for a few words per song. He knows every word to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Road Rally, but he can only say about 10 of them. He hums and inflects his voice as the characters do for the words he can't say. We have to have hope, patience and faith, but so does our little man. He has hope because of the wealth of people around him cheering him on, telling him he can do it, giving him every opportunity to succeed, a speech therapist instilling a love of communicating in him, teachers who love him and provide a safe environment for him to attempt speech in, parents and family who try with every ounce of their being to encourage him and celebrate every milestone big or small. He has patience because those people around him aren't rushing him to speak. They are effectively using wait time to give him the opportunity to get his brain to send the right messages to the muscle so he can speak. He doesn't feel the pressure of speaking, he only feels the JOY when it happens. He has faith because our God is an awesome God. I have no doubt that the faith we have in our God as the ultimate physician carries over to our little man. We are faithful in prayer along with our family, friends and church family. This little man is covered in prayer daily by our prayer warriors. If we have the fruits of the spirit on this journey of Apraxia we will make it.

If you are on this journey of apraxia, take heart in the fact that the future will be what it will be. All you can do is give your child every opportunity you can to overcome the fears and anxiety associated with speaking. Have hope that the words will come, patience to wait for them, and be faithful to withstand the trials and tribulations along the way. Everyone's journey is different, but never forget that every child deserves a voice.

It Takes A Village...

...and I don't just mean to raise a child. It takes a village to make it through this earthly journey. When you look around can you identify the people in your village? Are you in the village waiting to serve others as well? It takes a village...

After almost 13 years of marriage you would think we would have nourishing our marriage down to a science. The truth is it is never down to a science. It is just like the ocean. It ebbs and flows and has to adapt just as the shoreline adapts to the waves of the ocean. There was a time in our life as a married couple that I was the spiritual leader of our house and we didn't grow together in Christ as husband and wife. Today I praise God that isn't the case. I am proud for my husband to be the spiritual leader of our house. I am thankful that on Sunday we go together as a family to worship God. I am thankful that we are all active in the life of our church. Did I say our marriage is perfect? Nope! Did I say we can't do more for our church? Nope!

Most days, like today, our lives revolve around church and our children.  Today we have to divide and conquer. My parents are picking up our daughter and getting her ready for her ball game so my husband can pick her up and rush her to her game. In the mean time I am picking up the little man and headed to occupational therapy. I have to miss her game because it starts an hour away as we finish therapy. We have to divide and conquer. If it weren't for my parents on days like today we couldn't divide and conquer. One child would have to miss their activity. It takes a village...

Yesterday I was reminded of the importance of time to connect with my husband without the distractions of our house and our children. We dropped the kids off at Tia and Uncle Billy's (Mike's brother and his wife) and rushed to the neighboring town to pick up a rug for our living room and have a quick dinner. As we rode there in the truck with the windows down (a rare treat for me since I usually have one or both kids and never get to ride the truck) my husband reached over and rested his hand on the back of my neck. I looked over and smiled. We weren't distracted by children calling our names. There was no nag to get up and wash dishes, wash clothes, lay out clothes. We were just riding up the road enjoying each other's company. We went to a pizzeria we used to go to all the time when we were dating, married and even after Mary Emma was born. We haven't been much since Michael was born for some reason. We talked about our days at work, the state of the world, and of course the children. We had a civilized conversation. As we stood up to leave my husband leaned over to give me a kiss. A small gesture, but it meant so much. We never have time for that when we are corralling children or checking the table for items left behind. We walked next door to get the rug and headed home. I felt a sense of peace and calm and I looked over at the man I married with renewed commitment and thankfulness for him in my life.  We returned home to pick up the kids and Tia and Uncle Billy were still in one piece, although ready for bed I'm sure. We couldn't have had our impromptu date without them being willing to love on the kiddos, which they were more than obliged to do. It takes a village...

This isn't a thought provoking post except to say that whatever it is you need in life at this point sometimes you have to accept help from the village. It might be help with your kids, it might be help with a parent, or it might just be time with friends. Whatever it is that your soul needs in order to connect with yourself MAKE time to do it. Take time for what you need. I realized that I need time with my husband by myself. You can think it is selfish or irresponsible, but the opinions of others is not what is important here. I need to feel connected to my husband. He is my partner on this earthly journey and feeling connected to him outside of being a mother and father is important to me. You know why? It frees me for joyful obedience. It nourishes my soul and the peace I feel is just what my wings need to fly. It sounds corny and even a bit silly, but the 80 minutes I spent with my husband last night gave me an indescribable peace that I still hold on to this morning.

Since I was a child I haven't been much into asking for presents. My mom and dad taught me the joy of giving as a young child and it is still something that gives me great joy today. I wasn't the kid who made a list for Santa in July of every year and mailed it off close to Christmas. I usually didn't ask for specific birthday presents. I'm not the wife who demands a 10 year anniversary diamond ring. In fact, we don't generally do gifts for Valentine's day or our anniversary. So, Mike was a little caught off guard when a couple of months ago I asked him if I could request a special birthday present this year. My birthday isn't until July! He looked at me quizzically and asked what it might be. I said, "I want to go camping. Just me and you." He looked at me and said he'd see what he could do. Mary Emma will be 6 in September and we have never been on a vacation without the children. I think it's time. One day we will be waving to Michael as we pull away from his college dorm and Mary Emma will be finishing her senior of college year hopefully and we will go home to an empty house. When that day comes I don't want to look at my husband and wonder who he is, what he enjoys, what he likes. I certainly don't want him looking at me like that either. So, the lesson I take from yesterday is that accepting help from that village that is so willing is an important step toward our future as a family. We are blessed because our village is full of people from our family, our church family and a few friends.

Hebrews 10:24 says “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” May you find what frees you for joyful obedience and MAKE time to nourish it. I pray that Mike and I will bring Him glory through our commitment first to Him and then each other. On our wedding day our first dance was to You Say It Best When You Say Nothing At All by Allison Krauss. It's still true. Thank you God for my partner on this earth. Thank you for the father of my children. Thank you for the quiet time when he says nothing at all and yet it says everything I need to hear.

In the quiet of night...

Hebrews 4:12 says that the word of God is living and active. If you know me well you know that sleep is something that I've never had much of a problem with. Well, the last couple of months have been full of sleepless nights and many have been spent in the recliner. Last night as I reclined and looked up at the windows and out to the night sky there was an eerie quiet in the house. The TV wasn't on, my husband wasn't snoring, the air conditioning wasn't running, the ice maker wasn't pulling in water, the dishwasher wasn't finishing, the washing machine and dryer were quiet as mice, no toddler was crying, no 5 year old was standing at the top of the steps asking to sleep on the couch, no kitty was rustling around in the litter box and the two hound dog fur babies weren't barking. It was honestly creepy. During the day I crave silence, quiet and solitude and then when it happens I feel trapped and the quiet begins to suffocate me.

The days are filled with so many activities and requirements that there is little time to stop and let my mind get the best of me. You've probably heard the saying that an idle mind is the devil's playground and for me that is certainly true. Have you ever been so wrapped up in day to day life that you finally arrive at that quiet time you've been craving and it scares the crap out of you? Last night I was truly at a loss for words. I didn't know what to say. I felt this urge to just talk to God, but I had no words. There are many days that I'm almost afraid to just lay it all out there because I'm so full of emotions that if I let some of it out it might all break the dam and then we will have a flood. Is my heart prepared. Is my relationship with God and my faith in him strong enough to serve as an ark to carry me through the flood?

As I sat there in the recliner amidst the mind altering quiet I thought about the song that has been my friend for many years. Word of God Speak by MercyMe. I was truly at a loss for words for no particular reason. Then it occurred to me...YOU BIG DUMMY! The last thing I needed was to be heard. I needed to listen. I needed to listen for Him to speak to me and to just be in His presence. That was and is what my soul craves. As my mind, heart and soul turned to commune with Him the Devil lost. I didn't give in to the temptations of worries and fear. I gave in to the One who gave so much to me. As I covered up in the recliner, sniffled another sniffle thanks to my sinuses I resigned to sleeping in the recliner yet again. However, I was in a different place. I felt peaceful and ready for rest. I silently thanked God for His time with me tonight and for the blessings of today and the ones tomorrow would bring. As I ended my prayer I felt four little paws walking up my leg and my sweet little Leo crawled up on my chest and laid down over my heart. It might not seem like much but it was a physical reminder that my heart belongs to God and that in order to keep the Devil out I have to make more time to commune with God daily without the distractions of this world.

If you are like me and you are constantly on the go I dare you to carve out some time and simply exist. It might be watching the sunset, listening to the sounds of night on the porch, walking around the block, or whatever will give you QUIET time. Beyond the music and noise all you need is to be with Him. In the quiet you will hear His voice.