Joy Comes in the Morning

Joy comes in the morning...a lot of times we refer to bad times as dark days. If we think of night as those times we feel disconnected from the world or from God we can think of those times that we are on the mountaintop as the morning. I have never been a huge fan of the King James Version because I find it hard to understand, but this is one scripture that the King James Version is my favorite translation.

Psalm 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Sometimes we don't even realize we are in the night until the morning comes. God is the morning to our night. He is the joy in our sorrow. Seek him in times of darkness and he will bring you light. One of my favorite songs is As the Deer. You may have realized that many songs are my favorite. :-) Here are the lyrics if you don't have time to listen to the video. The song itself is sure to calm you and redirect your thoughts to Him. It is beautiful.

As the deer panteth for the water. So my soul longeth after Thee. You alone are my heart's desire. And I long to worship Thee. You alone are my strength, my shield. To You alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my heart's desire. And I long to worship Thee. You're my friend and You are my brother. Even though You are a king. I love You more than any other. So much more than anything. I want You more than gold or silver. Only You can satisfy. You alone are the real joy giver. And the apple of my eye.

If you feel a longing in your heart and it cannot be satisfied that longing may be a relationship with God. I remember several years ago, before we were blessed with our miracle babies, I was in a terrible place emotionally and spiritually. We were trying to hard to get pregnant. We had tried several low dose medications and nothing had helped. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks and had to have a D & C.  All my thoughts were "why" this "why" that. My husband was constantly asking about what day of my cycle it was and trying to figure out when I might be ovulating. We both wanted to desperately to be parents. I decided to throw myself into children at our church. I was already active with the children's ministry, but if I couldn't have my own I would serve those in our church. I helped with VBS, taught on Wednesday nights, helped in the nursery and with other special activities. I focused on serving my church in other areas as well. This redirected my focus. Instead of being as focused on myself and my pity I was focused on serving others.

During this time my pastor at the time, the same one that threw me under the bus in another post (love you Stuey), and his wife sponsored me to go on a weekend short-course in Christianity called Walk to Emmaus.  The walk was through the Heart of Carolina Emmaus Community.  I was scared and excited at the same time. I wanted to reconnect with God and myself. I felt like I didn't know who I was anymore and I was hopeful this would help me be a better servant for my Lord, a better wife, and a better Christian above all. That weekend changed me forever. This was the joy in the morning I had been waiting for. I didn't have a cell phone or watch and I didn't have to think about when I was going to get up or eat. It was all taken care of. All I had to do was open my ears, my heart and let the Holy Spirit come in. That weekend included a very spiritual time in which you die to something that is holding you back from serving Him and loving Him with all your heart. My friends...that day I died to resentment for not being able to bear a child. I meant it and it was if I had been freed. I still wanted a child and wanted to pursue alternative methods of getting pregnant, but it didn't consume me as it had before.

After that weekend I could find the joy in the morning much easier and every minute of every day didn't seem like the night. I wasn't sad inside all the time. I wasn't mad inside all the time. I was freed for joyful obedience. My friends...your soul longs for an intimate relationship with our God. He is our heart's desire. We should love him more than any other. All glory and honor is His. As we face the day today let us remember that He comes first. So many times (like the other day with the therapy stuff) I put things before God. Join me today in seeking Him first. When you find yourself overwhelmed seek Him in prayer. Come...now is the time to worship!

Calm in the Storm

Have you ever been in situations that you didn't even know you were in? Have you had things going on around you and you feel like the center of a tornado? My whole day yesterday was like this. Balancing the many demands of life can sometimes overwhelm us. That's how I felt yesterday. The work day hadn't been the greatest. I had reasoned to myself that other people choose how to react to situations and you can't control how others feel or think about a situation. I had also realized how gossip is the Devil's playground and some people apparently live on the playground. I'm not on the playground and I don't even want to be on the sidewalk headed to it. As I headed to my car to go home I admit my feelings had been hurt and I was having a small pity party. Stupid me. This stuff that was apparently so important to other people was incredibly INSIGNIFICANT to me and if I didn't really believe it I would soon know for sure.

My husband had picked up Mary Emma so I was headed to pick up Michael. I was a few minutes away from his daycare and his OT called. She had completed several diagnostic evaluations at our last appointment and she wanted to share the results. Michael's sensory issues are continually increasing (we had to do brushing and other interventions to get him to eat textured foods and touch odd fabrics and textures when he was a baby). She also talked about the fact that he doesn't always connect with what he sees with regard to learning shapes, colors and other things appropriate for his age. He memorizes things, but relating if you give him a square that isn't the one you showed him the first time he doesn't connect it. She suggested doing OT twice a month and moving to weekly therapy in a few months. It's one thing to know there are some issues, but then to think of balancing everything...and the money...whew...the money. It is worth every penny, but it can still be overwhelming when you put the numbers to paper and realize that my paycheck will basically be going to therapy. Michael has weekly speech therapy and developmental therapy in his daycare already. You see my husband and I both work and we don't qualify for any of the sliding scale discounts.  We are part of the state's infant toddler program and our caseworker is AWESOME! She does everything she can to help us. It would all be so much better if we could get the state to approve his OT at it's current location. I understand it is hard to do this, but it is best for him.

My immediate thoughts were whether or not I have the courage and energy for yet another uphill struggle. I kept telling myself...ABSOLUTELY! I was telling myself that, but I certainly wasn't feeling it in my heart. I talked to our daycare owner, who is also WONDERFUL. We talked about how important it is for him to not miss anymore time in the classroom than he already does. Those skills, words, and actions he is learning and developing are so important. I was so emotional, crying of course, and she reached out and hugged me and told me I scared her because she thought I was telling her I was pulling him out. She reassured me that they would do anything they could to help him. She talked about her daughter's own sensory issues. As I left her office I felt a little weight lift off my chest. I had a little bit more energy for the task ahead.

As we headed home I kept looking at my little man in the rearview mirror. He is worth every trial and tribulation. I prayed to God to give me the courage and endurance for the race before me. I might not feel qualified. However, I know He will equip me. If there is one thing in this journey with Christ that I have learned it is that you have to reach out and not be afraid to ask for help and prayers. My husband watched the kids when I got home and I spent some time outside by myself and 'got myself together.' After getting the kids ready for bed I texted my mom and sister. These two ladies are incredibly supportive and are my rock. They help with Mary Emma and Michael any way they can. I also know they are prayer warriors. It's one thing to ask someone to pray; it's another thing to know they will do it. My help comes from the Lord, but I know they will go to Him on my behalf seeking that help. I also texted my friend who came to stay with me in the hospital. When I'm upset I can tell her and she doesn't try to fix it or say something to make me feel better she just reminds me she loves me, will pray for me and is there to listen. Sometimes just sharing your fears releases them. I felt so much better having shared my fears and knowing prayers were going up on my behalf. I logged on to facebook and the first thing I saw was a post by Mandisa quoting a lyric from her song Shackles (Praise You). "Been through the fire and the rain bound in every kind of way but God has broken every chain." I know he will break the chains and set me free for this race. It doesn't mean I will win, but he will equip me.

When the storm is swirling around you there is a calm waiting for you in the storm. Reach out to your prayer warrior friends, fall to your knees in prayer. If you are like me you don't always know what to say. It's okay, God knows what is on your heart. He knows your every need. You only need to seek Him. When I don't know what words to pray I listen to the song Word of God Speak by Mercy Me.  It's okay to be at a loss for words. You don't need to be heard. You need to hear what He has to say. He will wash your eyes so you can see his Majesty. He is in this place...stay and rest in His holiness. When the storm rages find a quiet place and be in the midst of Him. All you need is to be with Him. In the quiet you will hear His voice. The word of God will speak to your heart and the storm will calm. Be still. Find your calm in the storm. May the Peace of Christ be yours today! God bless you!

He Will Make You Worthy

If you are anything like me there are many times in life when you don't feel worthy. Several years ago I wasn't feeling particularly worthy and it was certainly a stressful time. My father-in-law had just passed away. My mother-in-law, husband and brother-in-law had to make the difficult decision to remove him from life support. I had just started a new job a few months earlier and I was understandably nervous about asking off, especially since I was a teacher. My mom had talked to my husband earlier in the day and she called to tell me that it was important to go there right after school that things didn't sound good.

As soon as I got off work I headed to the hospital and met our family in the waiting room. It was a crowded area and there was only one seat left. Wouldn't you know it...it was beside the preacher that I hadn't met yet. I'm not a very social person when it comes to new people so with much anxiety I sat beside him. We talked for a moment and then it was time to go back to the ICU room. I was so scared. I had never been around someone as they took their last breath. As we walked back, my knees feeling like jello I silently prayed and asked God to give me the courage and strength to be there for my husband and his family. It wasn't about me and my fear it was about being there for them.

I remember walking into that room and seeing my father-in-law's chest move up and down as if a robot had entered his body. It was time to say our final goodbyes. I walked up to him and said, "Gepetto...we love you. " His name was Geter but when my husband and I started dating he couldn't remember my name. Instead of calling me Kara he called me Karen, Carol, Carrie, etc. So in order to get him back I tried to come up with a name similar to his. Geter isn't exactly a name that has lots of choices and all I could come up with was Gepetto. From that moment forward he was Gepetto, and he still is. They turned off all the assistive devices and in less than one minute he faded into eternity.

Gepetto was a HUGE fan of bluegrass, gospel, anything that reminded him of his Appalachian roots. We looked at many songs and when I heard Fishers of Men by Rhonda Vincent I knew it was the one. It knocked me off my feet and when I feel unworthy this is the song I always listen to. It reenergizes my soul to do the work God has called me here to do. So many times we miss the call from God. It might be that still voice of the Holy Spirit or it might come through others. Lives can be changed and blessings flow when we hear that call and act on it.

18 As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed him.  21 Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22 and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him. (Matthew 4:18-22)

Sometimes the call comes through another person. God uses all of us to do his work. The scripture from Matthew doesn't say "You will fish for people". It says I will send you out to fish for people. Jesus doesn't tell them to go their own way he says "follow me." Fishing was something these men knew how to do and Jesus was calling them to do something they didn't necessarily have skills for. In a similar scripture from Mark it says that they left their father in the boat with the hired men.

You know that preacher I told you about that I had to sit beside? He is now one of my dearest friends. He has moved on to other churches, but the lessons he taught me remain etched in my heart. I got to know him pretty well, he baptized my daughter and my husband. He accepted my transfer of membership into our church and helped me blossom as a servant in this world. The one that has touched me the most is one of those moments that I decided not to listen to the Holy Spirit. There was a new couple in church who had a daughter who appeared to be close in age to our daughter. I saw them from afar but I'm just not one to go up to random people so I was making my escape and Stuart caught me. I usually skip the 'shake the pastor's hand' line because it has always seemed a little odd to me. That day he caught my eye so I went up and gave him a hug and he took my hand to shake it and said, "Did you see that couple over there?" I responded that I had. He asked me if I had spoken to them. You know my answer. Then he told me that it looked like their daughter was Mary Emma's age. I told him I saw that. He gave me the evil eye so to speak and told me he thought it would be a good idea for me to go over to them and introduce myself. I gave him the "you must be kidding" look and as if I were a child asked him if I had to. He smiled and said "YES!"

My friends...if I had not introduced myself I cant' imagine the blessings I would have missed out on. You see this couple has become some of our closest friends. Our first children were born one month to the day apart. Our second children were born less than 24 hours apart. God prepares you for things before you even realize it. Michael's diagnosis, the unknown variables about his health, and dealing with a child that has special needs would help me be a more empathetic friend. I was being prepared for that day when my friend told me she was pregnant again. I quickly told her that I was sitting this one out! :-) It wasn't long after this that she also told me they were going thru extensive testing, but they were pretty sure this child had an extra chromosome resulting in Down's Syndrome. I will never know exactly how she and her husband felt, but I did understand the shock and fear. There were many decisions to be made. The point here isn't the Down's Syndrome, but that beautiful baby girl that was born months later. I have been in love with her since the moment I layed eyes on her. She stares at me like I'm the most interesting person on earth. Her smile is infectious and watching her triumph over obstacles in her path has been a blessing that I cannot put into words. You see...if not for the preacher making me go over and introduce myself we might not have became close friends with these people. My daughter wouldn't have a best friend in their daughter, we wouldn't have shared the joys and horrors of being pregnant together, and I wouldn't have this sweet angel to love on. I ignored the Holy Spirit's voice that day. Thank God for a friend who saw the opportunity and pushed me...I usually referred to these moments as 'throwing me under the bus.' He was pretty good at that!

Since this experience I have tried to listen more carefully and look around more to be a fisher of men. I am not worthy for this task alone and neither are you. He will make you worthy. He will make you a fisher of men. You will never be the same. Will you join me? Cast your nets aside. He will be our guide.

Jesus, Friend of Sinners...

Each day we have endless opportunities to show His grace. You never know where someone is in their faith walk. Remember, just because you don’t see the flower bloom…that doesn’t mean you didn’t plant the seed. My hope is that this post will help all of us make more careful choices and be more cognizant of the fact that how we treat others can change their future and ours. One of my favorite quotes is…don’t look down on anyone unless you are bending over to help them up. 

I want to start by sharing a story with you about a girl I knew almost 16 years ago. She had been raised in the church and had many fond memories of church—including vacation bible school, homecoming and a church that truly felt like home because of the loving people there. She graduated high school in the top 5% of her class and went off to start her bright future as a special education major in college. As a young girl she asked God if he saw fit to give her a special child, and she had always had compassion for everyone…but especially people with emotional and physical challenges. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to do, but she thought she wanted to teach so this seemed like a good fit. 

Only a few weeks after being at college in a dorm with no one to wake her up or tell her to go to class things started going downhill. Her mom had always told her that old annoying yet true cliché---you know the one…you are who you hang around. Well, it was indeed true. The people she hung around didn’t make the best choices and soon their normal became her normal. All the time she knew this wasn’t the right path and she tried to turn things around and she did to a certain extent. For the next two semesters she pulled her grades up. By the spring semester of the second year things had once again made a downhill sprint.

 One thing you must understand is that this girl’s grandmothers were everything to her. She loved her parents and family, but those grandmothers were on pedestals in her eyes. Well, one night she was off campus at a friends house and her mother was trying to call her. Her roommate didn’t know where she was and didn’t know how to get in touch with her. Some of you may not remember that cell phones weren’t all the rage yet. Her mom had called to tell her that one of her grandmothers had passed away. Her grandmother had passed away hours earlier and here she was having a good time while her family was grieving and worried trying to find her. Her heart was broken that she had lost her grandmother and it had finally hit her…she couldn’t’ do this anymore. This very night she decided she was not in the right place, not doing the right things and when she returned home that semester she returned home for good. For so many this was seen as a failure and at the time it was for her. Open mouth and gasp…yes she dropped out of school. She was at the bottom of the barrel. She had hit rock bottom…some might say the only way was up. Her parents were very disappointed, but they told her if she was going to stay in their house she was going to go to school and make something of herself.

I haven’t ever shared my story publicly, but I guess I have now…this girl was me…I dropped out of school. You see… For my parents this was understandably an extremely disappointing event , and if that wasn’t bad enough they had sunk a great deal of money into this “two year vacation”. My parents definitely didn’t let me forget what a failure this was, but they said that if I was going to live in their house that I was going to be in school. They still had faith in me. They still supported me and loved me anyway.

 Within a couple of months of being home I was totally distraught and I thought how can I make this right? My grandmothers were both pillars of their church and great Christian role models, as were my parents. My surviving grandmother surely didn’t let me down during this time. She never once mentioned why I was home. She took the “grandma high road” as I call it…for which I will be eternally grateful. I was still someone she could be proud of. It was as if there was an unspoken “I love you anyway”. This is mercy and grace my friends…

I was raised in church and if there is one thing that stuck…it is that the church is for sinners. For me, for you, for all humankind. So one Sunday, with a lump in my throat and some fear I returned to the church I grew up in. In a small community news travels fast so I knew people know I was “home.” Even after several people said…how can you go there after what you’ve done? I knew that in order to turn my life around I couldn’t do it alone. I needed Him and I needed the community of faith that had loved me since I was born. To my surprise--I walked thru the door, I was met with open arms. People hugged me and told me how good it was to see me. No one said…why are you home? They just told me how good it was to have me home. This gave me the courage to come back the next week and it soon became a habit…a pretty good one I think. This is grace and mercy my friends.

I started attending church regularly, helped with Vacation Bible School, and signed up for a class to join the church. That summer I met with our pastor and two older ladies who were sisters to learn about Methodism and what it means to be baptized and how that changes what death means to us. These sweet ladies were also joining the church. I had never been baptized and looking back I’m so thankful because I remember my baptism. We had many frank discussions during these meetings in the parsonage living room, but never once did my situation come up. Instead we were reminded that we have all strayed in some way. At the end of that summer I was baptized. My family came to support me and I saw God that day when I sat down beside my MaMa and she patted my leg and said, “I’m so proud of you.” If you think back to when I told you I WAS that girl…I used the past tense because thanks to God’s grace I am born anew through my baptism and I now live each day knowing that death isn’t the end of things, but the beginning of an eternal life. That day I was baptized I died to that person. 

Folks, I experienced grace and mercy at its best during one of the most difficult times of my life. I had strayed and had been cut down. The sword had been swung at me and I had tripped over some people but I was on my way to Him. Without this grace and mercy being shown to me I may have never returned to the church. I certainly wouldn’t be here today to share my story with you. I also wouldn’t have gone on to complete my Associate’s, bachelor’s and master’s degrees.

As a result of these experiences I made a promise to myself to look up and not around. I promised God I would not point fingers and I begged him to lead my heart with mercy. I wanted him to break my heart for what breaks His. Little did I know…several years later I would feel that broken heart. Our second child was born with a syndrome we knew nothing about. At first my heart was broken for him and his future, but as quick as my heart broke it was healed. For, that day I prayed for a special child when I was young had come to fruition. God had found me worthy to do this job and he had given me the best husband, family and friends to do it with. He trusted me…wow! He had also given this little man a big sister who would immediately take care of him and love him unconditionally. We are all his children…uniquely and wonderfully made and for the rest of my life I will proclaim this. There is a lesson in every blessing. I now have a new perspective on grace and mercy, and especially on all of us being uniquely and wonderfully made.

As we go on with our day…let’s ask ourselves—the world is on their way to Him…will they trip over us…are we looking around instead of up…is our heart divided. I challenge each of us to let our hearts be led by mercy so that we can show His grace to all we meet. So, will you join me…put your pointing finger and sword down and take up the cross of Jesus Christ. Jesus…please help us to be a friend of sinners. Help us to love each person and to be a model of your love to everyone we meet. Help us make our life movie one that we would be proud to sit down beside you and watch. Take a moment and look up the song “Jesus Friend of Sinners” by Casting Crowns. You will be glad you did! Peace and blessings to you!

Michael's Surgeries

I missed yesterday because Michael's daycare called and he had a fever. With children who don't have issues with their body regulating its temperature it's no big deal. When Michael gets a fever we have to act fast to keep it from spiking too quickly. IHe has had one febrile seizure and we don't want that to happen again. We are blessed to have wonderful daycare providers. By the time I got there they had already stripped his shirt, put cool towels on him and sprayed him down. His fever had gone down some and I immediately gave him ibuprofen and acetaminophen. My husband took him to the doctor and he doesn't have an ear infection or the flu so we were happy to hear that. He is a happy boy because he is at Camp Grammie and PaPa today :-) That means I will pick up a spoiled little man. I wouldn't have it any other way. We are so blessed to have them to help us! With that said today's post is about Michael's surgeries. First I want to tell you more about his particular syndrome. If you are interested you can click on the link for a video of Michael's surgeries. If you ever have questions please ask!
 
EEC Syndrome (Ectrodactyly-Ectodermal Dysplasia-Clefting) is a rare form of ectodermal dysplasia. It is a mutation in the TP63 gene and can be inherited or a spontaneous mutation. A spontaneous mutation means that the change started in the affected individual and wasn't inherited from a parent.  Michael's case is a spontaneous mutation. My husband, our daughter and I have been tested and do not carry this mutation. Each case is different and can vary from mild to severe. Children affected can have missing or atypical fingers and or toes, abnormalities of the hair and glands (particularly sweat glands), a cleft lip or palate, problems with the eyes, tears and tear ducts, and issues with the flow of urine in the urinary tract. Treatment can involve a team of professionals from many different disciplines depending on the severity of the case. You will see the following again when I share the article I wrote for the NFED. I am not a doctor and I might misspell something or use incorrect grammar or punctuation, but my goal is to educate people and share our story.

Michael will be three in July and has undergone six surgical procedures. On December 26^th of 2012, one day shy of five months old, he had his first two procedures. He had syndactyly release of his right thumb and index finger, as well as the metatarsal leading to his missing toe removed and the cleft pulled in. He was in a mitten cast up to his arm pit and an open toe cast up to his groin for four weeks. The following March, he had the same procedures on his left hand and foot. In late December of 2013, he had surgery on his right index finger again to release scar contracture. In late December of 2014, he had reconstruction of the ligament on the metacarpophalangeal joint of his index finger on his right hand to keep it from lying sideways. There are at least three more surgeries in the near future to separate married tendons leading to the proximal (PIP) and distal interphalangeal joints in both index fingers, as well as either joint repair of the PIP joint or joint stabilization for better pinching capability. Both index fingers sit at approximately a 90 degree angle with very little mobility. His last procedure will be syndactyly release of his super digit on his left hand. The bones share one skin and one fingernail, but are separate until they tether together at the end. Our goal in all of his surgeries has nothing to do with cosmetics, rather with use and mobility. We want to give him as much use of his hands as possible. We are thankful to have Duke University so close to our home. Our occupational therapist has been with us since his first surgery. Without our pediatrician’s support and guidance, we would have had no idea where to even start. 

Worry is like a rocking chair...

...it passes the time, but doesn't get you anywhere!
Michael will be three in July, but the second day of his life and the message I received from above that day is still fresh on my mind. Particularly after today...

July 28, 2012 was the day after Michael was born. One of my dearest friends had driven from Charlotte to stay with me at night at the hospital so I wouldn't kill my husband. (last time I contemplated how to do it quietly while he was covered up, curled up and snoring while I was lying in the bed, couldn't get up because I had just had a c-section and still had my cath and the baby was screaming and not latching). Jennifer and my sister had agreed to take turns so Mike could be at home and Mary Emma could spend the night at home. We figured it would be safer for him that way. Without our family and friends we would not be where we are.

Now...back to the original story! I woke up that morning with a bit of sadness because it was my grandmother's birthday, but she had spent the last few of her birthdays in heaven. I was also worried. As I looked over at Jennifer snuggling with Michael in the recliner (which she did most of the night both nights she was there) I thought to myself, what are we going to do, how will we tell people, what will people say, is it my fault, will he be able to have children, what about Mary Emma, what about my nieces and nephews, is something else going on besides what we can see right now, is there surgery for his hands and feet, oh no...my baby is going to have surgery, will i have to stop working/teaching, can he go to daycare, will he be able to learn. That sounds like a lot but it seemed as if it all flashed through my head in a matter of seconds. I was fine in the moment. I loved this little boy beyond anything, but fear and worry of what lied ahead was what scared me the most. I had no thoughts about why me, why my child, both Mike and I were at peace with whatever this was from the first moment we saw him. Jennifer knew me well enough to know I was worried, but she also knew if I wanted to talk about it I would. She didn't try to make me feel better, she didn't try to say the 'right' thing she was just there. I could see the look of fear in everyone's eyes when they came to see us at the hospital. Fear for what was ahead and fear for how to take care of Mike and I and especially Mary Emma. It hadn't been long that I had told Jennifer about the daily devotion from the Upper Room from the previous day and then it happened...I opened the one for July 28, 2012. Here is the scripture for that day. God was at work in my life again. 

Matthew 6:25-34
6:26 Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
6:27 And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?
6:28 And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin,
6:29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these.
6:30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you--you of little faith?
6:31 Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear?'
6:32 For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
6:33 But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
6:34 "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today.

6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 

God had a plan for our family and I had to simply trust Him and trust that he would guide us in the coming days, weeks, months and years. I cannot add a single hour of my life by worrying and neither can you. Do I worry? ABSOLUTELY!!! But, when I do I immediately remind myself of this scripture. I even turn to it in the Bible when i'm really worried and read the scripture around it. I was reminded not to worry about tomorrow again today.

Today we had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon. Michael had another procedure (more info in tomorrow's post about his surgeries).  I spent the last several days filled with anxiety because Michael was getting his second mitten cast removed and probably a splint. The surgeon was also going to let us know what the current treatment plan was. Michael has also been having some 'meltdowns' (I hate that word but it is the best description), particularly in public settings. I was anxious about getting the cast off...what if he were to injure the ligament reconstruction, what if the surgery wasn't successful, what if he gets sand in it at daycare, are we going to have another surgery soon, what about work...and on and on and on. I read this scripture over and over, but the worry kept creeping in. Well, shame on me for not trusting God's plan.

We walked into the doctor's office and Michael worked his puzzle like a big boy. We went back to get his cast off and I asked for a private room since the cast room reminds him of pre-op. We sat and waited and watched Veggie Tales--his favorite. The guy came in to remove the cast. Michael has never fussed when they were removing any of his casts so I didn't expect that to go poorly, but I was so scared of what was under that cast. Then he unwrapped it. I took a deep breath and looked over. Was I really seeing what I thought I was seeing? Michael's index finger on his right hand had been lying toward the thumb since they were released at 5 months old. This surgeon reconstructed the ligament hoping it would 'pull' the finger back in the right direction. His adorable little finger was, of course, still bent at a 90 degree angle (hopefully addressing this in a future surgery), but it was pointing in the right direction. It wasn't lying to the side. His index, ring and pinky fingers were all parallel to each other. I was moved to tears. I was speechless. I never thought I would see this. The fellow came in and I was still in tears and he hugged me and he was thrilled with how the everything looked. A good bit later the surgeon walked in and he was also very happy with how everything looked. He talked again about how the ligament has to remarry the bone and the joint should remain stable for this. He said that since Michael was so young and active (aka Evil Knievel) that he wanted to recast him for three weeks. I almost jumped out of the chair. I worried for nothing. All my fears were addressed and it was a wonderful day. Not to mention that when the surgeon came in Michael said 'Hey" and patted the stool and told him to sit down. Michael is understandably fearful of anyone in a white coat but he and both his surgeons have had a connection since they met. He offered him a scooby snack and hugged him bye. Then I go to the cast shop and he sits there like a champ. He is finally at the age that he knows he might as well just sit there. We picked a purple cast because that's was a special request from Memma (Mary Emma). Then we go out and I go to check out. First the guy tells me that there are no appointments for when we are supposed to return and he also doesn't think we can see the person for the brace that day. He could have left it at that but instead he gets up and goes to talk specifically to the therapist we need to see, then he makes a couple of phone calls and less that 10 minutes later we have a 1 and 2pm appointment for our return visit in a few weeks. I know he thought I was crazy thanking him approximately 90 times but he made my day so much brighter being able to leaving knowing that return appointments were taken care of. 

We can spend so much time worrying that we miss what is around us. I am so guilty of that. I think it might be genetic; my mom and sister do an awful lot of worrying too! What do you worry about?  Let's all say this verse as a prayer in the morning. "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today." When you read this take a moment and spend a quiet moment with God. You don't have to speak for he already knows what is weighing on your heart. Our God is a big God and nothing is too big for Him. Telling him what is weighing on you can sometimes be enough to remind you that you are not alone. Next time you are faced with the need to 'say the right thing' to someone who is going through something instead just 'be there'. If you feel the need to say something ask them if you can pray for and with them. Don't worry about what you will say as you pray...God will give you the words. If you are a music person, which I am, look up the song Blessings by Laura Story (I think that's right). A dear friend of mine, Lisa, introduced me to this song and it has gotten me through many a tough night or day. It's on my emergency cd. That's a story for another day. Tomorrow I will explain Michael's condition and tell you about his surgeries. 

February is Ectodermal Dysplasias Awareness month so I find it fitting to start the blog I've been wanting to start and I will start at the beginning of our little man's remarkable story. This blog is simply my thoughts on life our family story. It will not always be about Michael, but for the month of February it will all be centered around educating others about Ectodermal Dysplasias. Please share this with your friends.

On the way to the hospital to give birth to Michael I read the Upper Room Daily Devotional for that day (July 27, 2012). The scripture was Psalm 139: 13-18. The devotion included an analogy about a woman crocheting a doily and how she knows every part of that doily like no one else. God made each of us. He knows every part of us and he loves us unconditionally. He is our wonderful creator. It is no coincidence that after the devotion we listened to How Great is Our God. I got out of the car ready for this planned caesarian section and ready to meet our miracle boy. Although, at that time I didn't know just what a miracle he would turn out to be.

Psalm 139:13-18

139:13 For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
139:14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well.
139:15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
139:16 Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed.
139:17 How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
139:18 I try to count them--they are more than the sand; I come to the end--I am still with you.

 

God sometimes prepares us for the moments ahead without us even knowing it. Undoubtedly only hours later I would still have these verses in my head and they would be forever etched in my heart. We had no idea anything was atypical until the moment the obstetrician pulled the little man out. She told the nurses there were webbed fingers and toes present. As I got a glimpse of his super digit my first thought was from verse 14...I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. As I lay there on the operating table unable to move my hands because of the straps I knew everything was okay because my Creator, our awesome God, had created this sweet little man. Was I scared, a little. Was I worried, a little. However, there was a sense of calm that was truly inexplicable. I could never describe it in words. It was a holy moment in which I knew the holy spirit was there in that room. He was present and I wasn't alone. Later that day as I thought about the devotion and the scripture and stared at this sweet baby boy I knew God's hand was at work in our life and as my husband says...this little boy is going to make better people out of all of us and for that we thank God.

On day one we didn't have any diagnosis except webbed fingers and toes. On day two we were introduced to the term ectrodactyly. Ectrodactyly is sometimes referred to as split hand split foot malformation and many years ago it was referred to as lobster claw. Lobster claw is not even remotely politically correct so that's the last you will hear of it. We would use the term ectrodactyly to explain Michael's condition until genetic testing revealed the actual diagnosis. You will learn more about Michael's diagnosis in the coming days.

As you go through the day today take time to look around. We are constantly faced with opportunities to make life better for others. My life was made better that day by the wonderful person who wrote that devotion. What can you do today to make someone's day brighter. May the Peace of Christ be with you today and forever more.