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Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Worry is like a rocking chair... passes the time, but doesn't get you anywhere!
Michael will be three in July, but the second day of his life and the message I received from above that day is still fresh on my mind. Particularly after today...

July 28, 2012 was the day after Michael was born. One of my dearest friends had driven from Charlotte to stay with me at night at the hospital so I wouldn't kill my husband. (last time I contemplated how to do it quietly while he was covered up, curled up and snoring while I was lying in the bed, couldn't get up because I had just had a c-section and still had my cath and the baby was screaming and not latching). Jennifer and my sister had agreed to take turns so Mike could be at home and Mary Emma could spend the night at home. We figured it would be safer for him that way. Without our family and friends we would not be where we are.

Now...back to the original story! I woke up that morning with a bit of sadness because it was my grandmother's birthday, but she had spent the last few of her birthdays in heaven. I was also worried. As I looked over at Jennifer snuggling with Michael in the recliner (which she did most of the night both nights she was there) I thought to myself, what are we going to do, how will we tell people, what will people say, is it my fault, will he be able to have children, what about Mary Emma, what about my nieces and nephews, is something else going on besides what we can see right now, is there surgery for his hands and feet, oh baby is going to have surgery, will i have to stop working/teaching, can he go to daycare, will he be able to learn. That sounds like a lot but it seemed as if it all flashed through my head in a matter of seconds. I was fine in the moment. I loved this little boy beyond anything, but fear and worry of what lied ahead was what scared me the most. I had no thoughts about why me, why my child, both Mike and I were at peace with whatever this was from the first moment we saw him. Jennifer knew me well enough to know I was worried, but she also knew if I wanted to talk about it I would. She didn't try to make me feel better, she didn't try to say the 'right' thing she was just there. I could see the look of fear in everyone's eyes when they came to see us at the hospital. Fear for what was ahead and fear for how to take care of Mike and I and especially Mary Emma. It hadn't been long that I had told Jennifer about the daily devotion from the Upper Room from the previous day and then it happened...I opened the one for July 28, 2012. Here is the scripture for that day. God was at work in my life again. 

Matthew 6:25-34
6:26 Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
6:27 And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?
6:28 And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin,
6:29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these.
6:30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you--you of little faith?
6:31 Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear?'
6:32 For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
6:33 But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
6:34 "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today.

6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 


  1. You are absolutely right about worry. I'm so glad your big boy did so well and things are moving in a positive direction. In our quiet moments, it is then, and only the, that we hear Gods message to us.

  2. Thanks Kara for sharing this. I can imagine how painful it must be to writing this from your heart.