Have you ever been in situations that you didn't even know you were in? Have you had things going on around you and you feel like the center of a tornado? My whole day yesterday was like this. Balancing the many demands of life can sometimes overwhelm us. That's how I felt yesterday. The work day hadn't been the greatest. I had reasoned to myself that other people choose how to react to situations and you can't control how others feel or think about a situation. I had also realized how gossip is the Devil's playground and some people apparently live on the playground. I'm not on the playground and I don't even want to be on the sidewalk headed to it. As I headed to my car to go home I admit my feelings had been hurt and I was having a small pity party. Stupid me. This stuff that was apparently so important to other people was incredibly INSIGNIFICANT to me and if I didn't really believe it I would soon know for sure.
My husband had picked up Mary Emma so I was headed to pick up Michael. I was a few minutes away from his daycare and his OT called. She had completed several diagnostic evaluations at our last appointment and she wanted to share the results. Michael's sensory issues are continually increasing (we had to do brushing and other interventions to get him to eat textured foods and touch odd fabrics and textures when he was a baby). She also talked about the fact that he doesn't always connect with what he sees with regard to learning shapes, colors and other things appropriate for his age. He memorizes things, but relating if you give him a square that isn't the one you showed him the first time he doesn't connect it. She suggested doing OT twice a month and moving to weekly therapy in a few months. It's one thing to know there are some issues, but then to think of balancing everything...and the money...whew...the money. It is worth every penny, but it can still be overwhelming when you put the numbers to paper and realize that my paycheck will basically be going to therapy. Michael has weekly speech therapy and developmental therapy in his daycare already. You see my husband and I both work and we don't qualify for any of the sliding scale discounts. We are part of the state's infant toddler program and our caseworker is AWESOME! She does everything she can to help us. It would all be so much better if we could get the state to approve his OT at it's current location. I understand it is hard to do this, but it is best for him.
My immediate thoughts were whether or not I have the courage and energy for yet another uphill struggle. I kept telling myself...ABSOLUTELY! I was telling myself that, but I certainly wasn't feeling it in my heart. I talked to our daycare owner, who is also WONDERFUL. We talked about how important it is for him to not miss anymore time in the classroom than he already does. Those skills, words, and actions he is learning and developing are so important. I was so emotional, crying of course, and she reached out and hugged me and told me I scared her because she thought I was telling her I was pulling him out. She reassured me that they would do anything they could to help him. She talked about her daughter's own sensory issues. As I left her office I felt a little weight lift off my chest. I had a little bit more energy for the task ahead.
As we headed home I kept looking at my little man in the rearview mirror. He is worth every trial and tribulation. I prayed to God to give me the courage and endurance for the race before me. I might not feel qualified. However, I know He will equip me. If there is one thing in this journey with Christ that I have learned it is that you have to reach out and not be afraid to ask for help and prayers. My husband watched the kids when I got home and I spent some time outside by myself and 'got myself together.' After getting the kids ready for bed I texted my mom and sister. These two ladies are incredibly supportive and are my rock. They help with Mary Emma and Michael any way they can. I also know they are prayer warriors. It's one thing to ask someone to pray; it's another thing to know they will do it. My help comes from the Lord, but I know they will go to Him on my behalf seeking that help. I also texted my friend who came to stay with me in the hospital. When I'm upset I can tell her and she doesn't try to fix it or say something to make me feel better she just reminds me she loves me, will pray for me and is there to listen. Sometimes just sharing your fears releases them. I felt so much better having shared my fears and knowing prayers were going up on my behalf. I logged on to facebook and the first thing I saw was a post by Mandisa quoting a lyric from her song Shackles (Praise You). "Been through the fire and the rain bound in every kind of way but God has broken every chain." I know he will break the chains and set me free for this race. It doesn't mean I will win, but he will equip me.
When the storm is swirling around you there is a calm waiting for you in the storm. Reach out to your prayer warrior friends, fall to your knees in prayer. If you are like me you don't always know what to say. It's okay, God knows what is on your heart. He knows your every need. You only need to seek Him. When I don't know what words to pray I listen to the song Word of God Speak by Mercy Me. It's okay to be at a loss for words. You don't need to be heard. You need to hear what He has to say. He will wash your eyes so you can see his Majesty. He is in this place...stay and rest in His holiness. When the storm rages find a quiet place and be in the midst of Him. All you need is to be with Him. In the quiet you will hear His voice. The word of God will speak to your heart and the storm will calm. Be still. Find your calm in the storm. May the Peace of Christ be yours today! God bless you!